Sarcastic Quotes - Page 10

• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

  Groucho Marx

  Running, Sap, Holes

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", 1932.

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• He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea, and that was wrong.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Work, Ignorance, Ideas

  'Sybil' (1845) bk. 4, ch. 5.

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• Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Discovery, America

  Oscar Wilde (1997). “Collected Works of Oscar Wilde: The Plays, the Poems, the Stories and the Essays Including De Profundis”, p.30, Wordsworth Editions

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• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Christmas, Witty

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• He is mad, bad and dangerous to know.

  Lady Caroline Lamb

  Mad, Dangerous, Knows

  Writing of Byron in her journal after their first meeting at a ball in March, 1812: Elizabeth Jenkins 'Lady Caroline Lamb' (1932) ch. 6.

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• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humorous, Sarcasm

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• Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.

  Denis Healey

  Sheep

  On being criticized by Sir Geoffrey Howe in the House of Commons, 'Hansard' 14 June 1978, col. 1027

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• He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Men, Years, Fifty

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• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Morning

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• This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees.

  Nancy Banks-Smith

  Two, Water, Knees

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• Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

  David Letterman

  Mathematical, Ability

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• Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.

  Alan Bennett

  Giving, Mustache, Tricks

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• I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

  Eddie Izzard

  Funny, Sarcasm, Europe

  "Eddie Izzard: Glorious". Documentary, www.imdb.com. 1997.

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• You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

  Pamela Hansford Johnson

  Wife, Horny, Devil

  Pamela Hansford Johnson (2012). “Night and Silence, Who is Here?”, p.116, Pan Macmillan

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• I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that.

  Andrej Pejic

  Want, Want To Be With Someone

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• Writers are interesting people, but often mean and petty.

  Lillian Hellman

  Mean, People, Interesting

  Lillian Hellman, Jackson R. Bryer (1986). “Conversations with Lillian Hellman”, p.70, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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• She spends her day powdering her face till she looks like a bled pig.

  Margot Asquith

  Pigs, Looks, Faces

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• I'm pretty sarcastic, and sometimes that doesn't come across on the Internet. It seems I'm being rude or stupid.

  Sky Ferreira

  Stupid, Rude, Internet

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.

  Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

  Good Friend, Fishing, Water

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• In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

  Lea Thompson

  Sadness, Jokes, Sarcastic Humor

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• He [Napoleon] was as great as a man can be without morality.

  Alexis de Tocqueville

  Men, Morality

  "Discours de réception a L'Académie Française prononcé le 21 Avril 1842". Oeuvres complètes, vol. IX, p. 17, 1866.

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• He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

  Margaret Halsey

  Careers, Stomach, Magnificent

  Margaret Halsey (1944). “Some of My Best Friends are Soldiers: A Kind of Novel”, New York : Simon and Schuster

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• She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.

  Will Rogers

  Ugly, Mules

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• He's a trellis for varicose veins.

  Wilson Mizner

  Veins

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• Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

  Samuel Butler

  Funny, Friendship, Food

  Samuel Butler (2008). “The Note-books of Samuel Butler: Easyread Comfort Edition”, p.126, ReadHowYouWant.com

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