Sarcastic Quotes - Page 7

• Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week.

  William Dean Howells

  Change, People, Hours

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• America is one long expectoration.

  Oscar Wilde

  America, Long, Insulting

  John Stuart Anderson, Oscar Wilde (1982). “The picture of Dorian Gray: a modern theatre adaptation of Oscar Wilde's classic novel”

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• He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one.

  John Wilmot

  Wise, Foolish, Said

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• Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life.

  Ivy Compton-Burnett

  Memorable, Hanging On, Pushing

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• He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time.

  Eugene Field

  Baby, Mean, Littles

  Eugene Field, Peter Pauper Press (1966). “A comic primer”

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• She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.

  C. S. Lewis

  Women, Expression, Live For Others

  Screwtape Letters (1942) no. 26

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• Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Fitness

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.31, St. Martin's Press

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• Please try not to be such a wiener-head.

  Dave Barry

  Trying, Please

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Is Not Making This Up”, p.73, Ballantine Books

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• I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.

  Mark Twain

  Inspiration, Sea, Sight

  Mark Twain (1960). “The autobiography of Mark Twain: including chapters now published for the first time”

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• Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Heaven, Missionary

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• 

  People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

  Isaac Asimov

  Funny, Hilarious, Laughter

  "The Mammoth Book of Zingers, Quips, and One-Liners" edited by Geoff Tibballs, (p. 299), 2004.

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• McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

  Robert Downey, Jr.

  Sports, Cancer, Food

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• Congratulations on your job at the bank! Yes. You work for the bank. After taxes, your largest expense is your mortgage and credit-card debt.

  Robert Kiyosaki

  Inspirational, Success, Jobs

  FaceBook post by Robert Kiyosaki from Jun 04, 2012

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• 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  Following the Equator ch. 25, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

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• By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Ignorance, Humility

  Oscar Wilde, General Press (2016). “The Complete Works of Oscar Wilde: Novel, Short Stories, Poetry, Essays and Plays”, p.697, GENERAL PRESS

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• Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil; for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it.

  Thomas Carlyle

  Sarcasm, Long, Devil

  Thomas Carlyle (1834). “Fraser's Magazine”, p.195

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• He had a winning smile, but everything else was a loser.

  George C. Scott

  Winning, Loser

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• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Death

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.61, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.

  F. H. Bradley

  Ideas, Mind

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• He couldn't see a belt without hitting below it.

  Margot Asquith

  Hitting, Belts

  "Autobiography".

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• We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

  George Carlin

  Thanksgiving, Sarcasm, Years

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• I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

  Hector Hugh Munro

  Funny, Sarcasm, Blessing

  Saki, Hector Hugh Munro (2016). “Delphi Complete Works of Saki (Illustrated)”, p.428, Delphi Classics

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• She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.

  Alexander Woollcott

  Ships, Sinking, Firing

  Alexander Woollcott (1951). “The Indispensable Woollcott”

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• Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car.

  Bill Bryson

  Inspirational, Fun, Thinking

  Bill Bryson (2010). “Neither Here, Nor There: Travels in Europe”, p.25, Random House

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• A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits.

  Alexander Pope

  Dunces, Wit

  'The Dunciad' (1742) bk. 4, l. 90

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