Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.
A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
You can't say 'I don't do politics,' because silence is a political statement.
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
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