Funny Political Quotes

• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Humorous, Next Week

  In B. Adler Churchill Wit (1965) p. 4

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• We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.

  Aesop

  Witty, Government, Political Will

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  99 Copy quote

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• Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Change, Politics

  1593 Copy quote

• If you can't convince them, confuse them.

  Harry S. Truman

  Witty, Business, Silly

  Harry S. Truman, Steve Neal (2003). “Miracle of Forty-eight”, p.139, SIU Press

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• One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

  Plato

  Plato, War, Government

  280 Copy quote

• Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Quoted in Albert B. Paine, Mark Twain: A Biography (1912)

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  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  210 Copy quote

• Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Change

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling (1988). “The Will Rogers scrapbook”, Random House Value Publishing

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• In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.

  Len Deighton

  Funny, Air, Lenses

  100 Copy quote

• The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Business, Military

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  214 Copy quote

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• Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

  Oscar Ameringer

  Life, Witty, Art

  63 Copy quote

• I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Sarcastic, Running

  428 Copy quote
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  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Trust, Witty

  Winston S. Churchill (2013). “Churchill By Himself”, p.1079, RosettaBooks

  411 Copy quote

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  If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand.

  Milton Friedman

  Government, Years, Political

  152 Copy quote

• Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Inspirational, Funny, Money

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.24, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• You can't say 'I don't do politics,' because silence is a political statement.

  Tariq Ramadan

  Silence, Political, Statements

  22 Copy quote
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  When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.

  Clarence Darrow

  Funny, Sarcastic, Believe

  Quoted in Irving Stone, Clarence Darrow for the Defense (1941)

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• If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.

  Harry S. Truman

  Funny, Hilarious, Dog

  "The Wit & Wisdom of Harry Truman".

  58 Copy quote

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• Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side

  Thomas Sowell

  Sarcastic, Giving, Sides

  19 Copy quote

• I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

  Charles de Gaulle

  Life, Political, Politics

  Quoted in Clement Attlee, A Prime Minister Remembers (1961) See Briand 2; Clemenceau 4

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• The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Hilarious, Fools Day

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  158 Copy quote

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• A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.

  Edward Abbey

  Inspirational, Country, Freedom

  Edward Abbey (2015). “A Voice Crying in the Wilderness”, p.17, RosettaBooks

  92 Copy quote

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• I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  In Saturday Review 25 Aug. 1962

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• A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

  Texas Guinan

  Funny, Life, Country

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

  George W. Bush

  Country, Witty, Peace

  George W. Bush “Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States, George W. Bush, 2004, Book 2, July 1 to September 30, 2004”, Government Printing Office

  80 Copy quote

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