Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
I consider myself a crayon... I may not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
I try not to worry about the future - so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'
So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
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