Funny Life Quotes - Page 10

• If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero, you know I can sell just about anything.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Hero, Red, Lasts

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• As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

  Tracey Ullman

  Funny, Witty, Recycling

  Interview with Nicki Gostin, www.newsweek.com. September 19, 2004.

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• Life isn't a cabaret. It's a dive bar.

  Woody Paige

  Bars, Cabaret

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• It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Lucky, Alive

  You're Telling Me (motion picture) (1934).

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• Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.

  Peter De Vries

  Men, Exit, Life Is

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• I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

  Douglas Adams

  Money, Years, Taxes Funny

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• Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.

  George Ade

  Hilarious, Sarcastic, Laughter

  Fables in Slang (1900) p. 133

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• Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.

  Fred Allen

  Life, Men, Objectivity

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• Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Life, Humorous

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• A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

  Yogi Berra

  Funny, Baseball, Money

  Yogi Berra (1998). “The Yogi Book”, p.26, Workman Publishing

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• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Forever, Trying

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• Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

  Robert Orben

  People, Used, Obsolescence

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• Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.

  Satchel Paige

  Funny, Sports, Witty

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• It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.

  Maureen Johnson

  Lines, Brevity, Jokes

  Maureen Johnson (2011). “The Name of the Star”, p.139, Penguin

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• Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.

  W. C. Fields

  Christmas, Drinking, House

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• You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend.

  Edgar Guest

  Funny, Smile, Ends

  Edgar Guest (1916). “A Heap o' Living'”

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• Life is painful, nasty and short.. in my case it has only been painful and nasty.

  Djuna Barnes

  Funny, Life Is Short, Bad Day

  Djuna Barnes, Phillip F. Herring, Osias Stutman (2005). “Collected Poems: With Notes Toward the Memoirs”, p.285, Univ of Wisconsin Press

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• Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or…I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know

  Jennifer Aniston

  Integrity, Crazy, Drama

  Primetime interview, January 2004.

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• it's a funny life. Either you don't make a red cent and you have all the time in the world, or else you get double the money and you don't have a moment to spend a penny of it.

  Gabrielle Roy

  Time, Money, World

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• In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

  Joey Lauren Adams

  Life, Anniversary, Wife

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