Taxes Funny Quotes

• A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.

  Ann Landers

  Being Thankful, Pay, Tax Day

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• A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Fine, Taxes

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• In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Death, Money, Business

  Letter to Jean Baptiste Le Roy, 13 Nov. 1789

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• Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

  Oscar Wilde

  Happiness, Marriage, Men

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.11, Wordsworth Editions

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• What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Money, Differences

  Notebook, Dec. 1902

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• Taxes, after all, are dues that we pay for the privileges of membership in an organized society.

  Franklin D. Roosevelt

  Taxation, Pay, Membership

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• Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

  Jay Leno

  Red Flags, Example, Looks

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• The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

  John Maynard Keynes

  Funny, Business, Humor

  "A Dictionary of Scientific Quotations" by Alan L. MacKay, (p. 140), 1977.

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• America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Land, America, Taxation

  Dr. Laurence J. Peter (2013). “Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Times”, p.46, Harper Collins

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• There is no such thing as a good tax.

  Winston Churchill

  Business, Income Tax, Tax Day

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• The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians.

  Steve Forbes

  Funny, Business, Cutting

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• I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money

  Arthur Godfrey

  Funny, Money, Humor

  Quoted in Reader's Digest, Oct. 1951

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• We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

  Winston Churchill

  Freedom, Humor, Men

  Winston S. Churchill “Young Statesman”

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• Indoors or out, no one relaxes
  In March, that month of wind and taxes,
  The wind will presently disappear,
  The taxes last us all the year.

  Ogden Nash

  Spring, Years, Wind

  "Thar She Blows". "Versus". Book by Ogden Nash, 1949.

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  Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.

  Calvin Coolidge

  Presidential, Liberty, Taxation

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

  Margaret Mitchell

  Birthday, Death, Time

  Gone with theWind pt. 4, ch. 38 (1936) See Benjamin Franklin 41; Proverbs 63

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• The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.

  Ronald Reagan

  Military, Work, Government

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

  Mark Twain

  Business, Inspiration, Humor

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• There's no such thing as a good tax.

  Winston Churchill

  Income Tax, Tax Day, Tax Breaks

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• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  Everybody's Political What's What? ch. 30 (1944)

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• Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids

  Harvey Mackay

  Kids, Taxation, More Money

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• Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay

  Milton Friedman

  Taxation, Pay, Congress

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• It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

  Dave Barry

  Income, Irs, Taxation

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• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Income

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• Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.

  H. L. Mencken

  Humorous, Average, America

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