If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
A compliment is verbal sunshine.
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
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