If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.
An economist is someone who knows all the answers to last years' questions.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.
A compliment is verbal sunshine.
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
For Father's Day, my kids always give me a bottle of cologne called English Leather. It's appropriate! To them I always smell like a wallet.
I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.
Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.
It's an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn't had a birthday in seven years.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.
We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Happiness is contagious. Be a carrier!!
Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
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