Robert Orben Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Vacation: When you spend thousands of dollars to see what rain looks like in different parts of the world.

  Robert Orben

  Rain, Vacation, Different

  4 Copy quote

• The true test of humility is whether you can say grace before eating crow.

  Robert Orben

  Humility, Grace, Crow

  5 Copy quote

• I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

  Robert Orben

  New Year, Fighting, Years

  4 Copy quote

• Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Children, Kids

  12 Copy quote

• Sociologists say that going to the movies is a bonding experience. It probably has to do with the way you feet stick to the floor.

  Robert Orben

  Feet, Way, Sticks

  6 Copy quote

• My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

  Robert Orben

  Lying, Humorous, Wife

  5 Copy quote

• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Children, Home

  "Something Weird". Attributed in "St. Louis Post-Dispatch", (p. 1D), June 10, 1991.

  8 Copy quote

• Did you ever see that painting the Mona Lisa. It always reminds me of a reporter listening to a politician.

  Robert Orben

  Listening, Politics, Painting

  11 Copy quote

• Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Birthday, Fitness

  40 Copy quote

• Sports like baseball, basketball, and hockey develop muscles. That's why Americans have the strongest eyes in the world.

  Robert Orben

  Basketball, Sports, Baseball

  11 Copy quote

• Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Fitness, Health

  "Tidbits". "Rocky Mountain News" Newspaper, June 21, 1991.

  11 Copy quote

• I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

  Robert Orben

  Valentines Day, Girl, Heart

  Robert Orben (1969). “The Ad-libber's Handbook: 2000 New Laughs for Speakers”

  11 Copy quote

• Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

  Robert Orben

  Inspirational, Political, Feelings

  Robert Orben (2012). “Joke Tellers Handbook”, p.90, Doubleday

  16 Copy quote

• Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

  Robert Orben

  Government, Way, Politician

  9 Copy quote

• Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

  Robert Orben

  Wisdom, Feet, Mouths

  Robert Orben (2011). “2100 Laughs for All Occasions: Short, Sharp, Topical, and Funny--Arranged in Categories for Reading, Telling, Laughing”, p.146, Main Street Books

  8 Copy quote

• I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

  Robert Orben

  Clothes, Use, Boxers

  9 Copy quote

• Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

  Robert Orben

  Girl, Funny Love, Confused

  Robert Orben (2012). “2500 Jokes to Start 'Em Laughing”, p.113, Doubleday

  55 Copy quote

• I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

  Robert Orben

  Government, Oil, Energy

  14 Copy quote

• New Yorkers are so impersonal, if it wasn't for muggings there wouldn't be any contact at all!

  Robert Orben

  Cities, Contact, New Yorkers

  6 Copy quote

• I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.

  Robert Orben

  Morning, Years, Twenties

  11 Copy quote

• I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

  Robert Orben

  Mom, Baby, Food

  9 Copy quote

• Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

  Robert Orben

  Funny, Witty, Children

  9 Copy quote

• Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

  Robert Orben

  Believe, People, Volunteer

  13 Copy quote

• Successful salesman: someone who has found a cure for the common cold shoulder.

  Robert Orben

  Successful, Fortune Cookie, Common

  Robert Orben (1979). “2500 jokes to start 'em laughing”, Doubleday Books

  11 Copy quote

• These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

  Robert Orben

  Punishment, Tvs, Criminals

  5 Copy quote

Page 2 of 5

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin