Fred Allen Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

• Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Business, Humor

• It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Happiness

• Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Failure, Humor

• Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Technology

• Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Stars, Humor

• Television is the triumph of machine over people.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

• The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Clever, Church Choir

• I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Death, Humor

• A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Work, Humor

• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Income

• Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Stars, Mistake

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Hard Work, Humor

• A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Teamwork

• I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Letter to Groucho Marx, 12 June 1953

• If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Race

• The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Men

• If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Criticism

• I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Family, Witty

  Fred Allen (2008). “Much Ado About Me”, p.200, Wildside Press LLC

• California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Laughter, California

  American Magazine Dec. 1945, p. 120

• He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Work, Writing

• Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Success, Teaching

• She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Teacher, Humor

• He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Growing Up, Humor

  "Hundreds Attend Parks Memorial in Ala". www.foxnews.com. October 30, 2005.

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