Funny Drinking Quotes - Page 3

• God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

  Ed McMahon

  Drinking, Drunk, Alcohol

  66 Copy quote

• My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Doctors, Mirrors

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.88, Zondervan

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• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

  Graham Greene

  Truth, Lying, Drinking

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

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• I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Raymond Chandler (2014). “The World of Raymond Chandler: In His Own Words”, p.87, Vintage

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• There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.

  Raymond Chandler

  Drinking, Alcohol, Whiskey

  55 Copy quote

• My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

  W. C. Fields

  Ambition, Orange Trees, Glasses

  55 Copy quote

• A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.

  Roy Blount, Jr.

  Book, Anchors, Gin And Tonic

  "Summer Reading; Reading And Nothingness, Of Proust In The Summer Sun" by Roy Blount, Jr., www.nytimes.com. June 2, 1985.

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• My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic

  Uttered during a lunch with the Arab leader, Ibn Saud

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• I don't know what reception I'm at, but for God's sake give me a gin and tonic.

  Denis Thatcher

  Giving, Sake, Gin And Tonic

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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  Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  121 Copy quote

• First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Funny, New Year, Drinking

  F. Scott Fitzgerald (2011). “On Booze (New Directions Pearls)”, p.92, New Directions Publishing

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• I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  22 Copy quote

• Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Motivational, Drinking, Beer

  The Devil's Dictionary

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• There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

  John Ciardi

  Drinking, Beer, Sobriety

  62 Copy quote
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  An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

  Dylan Thomas

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

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• If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

  Dean Martin

  Retirement, Drinking, Book

  "Famous drinkers" by Rob Parker, www.theguardian.com. April 18, 2004.

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• Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Beer, Reality

  34 Copy quote

• You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

  Mark Twain

  Drinking, Wine, Labels

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.

  Tom Waits

  Drinking, Alcohol, Problem

  Song: Bad Liver And A Broken Heart, Album: Small Change

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• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Drinking, Book

  104 Copy quote

• I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

  Red Skelton

  Drinking, Guy, Next

  43 Copy quote

• I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

  Noel Coward

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  34 Copy quote

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

  35 Copy quote

• My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

  Henny Youngman

  New York, Dad, Drinking

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• The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Scotch, Water

  Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”

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