Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles.
A ham is simply any actor who has not been successful in repressing his natural instincts.
I drink to make other people interesting.
It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.
The path of sound credence is through the thick forest of skepticism.
In the theatre, a hero is one who believes that all women are ladies, a villain one who believes that all ladies are women.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.
Love is an emotion experienced by the many and enjoyed by the few.
Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open.
Criticism is the art of appraising others at one's own value.
Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she's tired.
Beauty makes idiots sad and wise men merry.
The notion that as a man grows older his illusions leave him is not quite true. What is true is that his early illusions are supplanted by new, and to him, equally convincing illusions.
An abstainer is the sort of man you wouldn't want to drink with even if he did.
Musicals are to the theater what wines are to a substantial dinner.
To speak of morals in art is to speak of legislature in sex. Art is the sex of the imagination.
A man may be said to love most truly that woman in whose company he can feel drowsy in comfort.
Criticism is the windows and chandeliers of art: it illuminates the enveloping darkness in which art might otherwise rest only vaguely discernible, and perhaps altogether unseen.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.
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