Ogden Nash Quotes

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• Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Birthday, Friday

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• The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

  Ogden Nash

  Doors, Mind, Pressure

  Ogden Nash (1942). “Good intentions”, Little, Brown

  73 Copy quote

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• Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.

  Ogden Nash

  Love Is, Gold, And Love

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• I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Dental Work, Teeth

  Ogden Nash (1941). “The face is familiar: the selected verse of Ogden Nash”, Garden City publishing company, inc

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• So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat
  Over everything debatable and combatable
  Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life
  Particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

  Ogden Nash

  Husband, Believe, Wife

  Ogden Nash, “I Do, I Will, I Have”

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• Among other things I think humor is a shield, a weapon, a survival kit. So here we are several billion of us, crowded into our global concentration camp for the duration. How are we to survive? Solemnity is not the answer, any more than witless and irresponsible frivolity is. I think our best chance lies in humor, which in this case means a wry acceptance of our predicament. We don't have to like it but we can at least recognize its ridiculous aspects, one of which is ourselves.

  Ogden Nash

  Lying, Mean, Acceptance

  "A Gleeful Splash of Ogden Nash" by Jonathan Yardley, www.washingtonpost.com. May 08, 2005.

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• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  46 Copy quote

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• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  46 Copy quote

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• Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind.

  Ogden Nash

  Mind, Violent, Remorse

  Ogden Nash (1941). “The face is familiar: the selected verse of Ogden Nash”, Garden City publishing company, inc

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• Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.

  Ogden Nash

  Long, Progress, Gone

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• There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.

  Ogden Nash

  Truth, Thinking, Dancing

  Ogden Nash (1941). “The Face is Familiar: The Selected Verse of Ogden Nash”, Garden City, N. Y : Garden City publishing Company, Incorporated

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• If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Money, Crazy

  Ogden Nash (1945). “The Selected Verse of Ogden Nash”, New York : Modern Library

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• There was a young man of Herne Bay
  who was making some fireworks one day:
  but he dropped his cigar
  in the gunpowder jar.
  There was a young man of Herne Bay.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Men, Smoking

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• One thing that literature would be greatly the better for
  Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and>metaphor.

  Ogden Nash

  Would Be, Employment, Literature

  1945 Many LongYears Ago,'Very Like A Whale'.

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• Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

  Ogden Nash

  Fun, Debt Free, Owing A Debt

  43 Copy quote

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• I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.

  Ogden Nash

  Drinking, Shrews, Truth Is

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• There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

  Ogden Nash

  Progress, Lifetime, Headings

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• The oboe's a horn made of wood.
  I'd play you a tune if I could,
  But the reeds are a pain,
  And the fingering's insane.
  It's the ill wind that no one blows good.

  Ogden Nash

  Pain, Blow, Wind

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• Winter is the king of showmen, Turning tree stumps into snowmen And houses into birthday cakes And spreading sugar over lakes. Smooth and clean and frosty white, The world looks good enough to bite. That’s the season to be young, Catching snowflakes on your tongue. Snow is snowy when it’s snowing, I’m sorry it’s slushy when it’s going.

  Ogden Nash

  Kings, Sorry, Winter

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• Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Drinking, Beer

  "Reflection on Ice-breaking" l. 1 (1931)

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• The truth I do not stretch or shove
  When I state the dog is full of love.
  I've also proved, by actual test,
  A wet dog is the lovingest.

  Ogden Nash

  Dog, Tests, States

  Ogden Nash, Étienne Delessert (1987). “Ogden Nash's zoo”, Stewart, Tabori and Chang

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• It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,
  That lays eggs under your skin.

  Ogden Nash

  Eggs, Omission, Skins

  Ogden Nash (1941). “The Face is Familiar: The Selected Verse of Ogden Nash”, Garden City, N. Y : Garden City publishing Company, Incorporated

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• Tonight's December thirty-first, something is about to burst. The clock is crouching, dark and small, like a time bomb in the hall. Hark, it's midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!

  Ogden Nash

  Children, Dark, Ducks

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• Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.

  Ogden Nash

  John Brown, Brown, Slabs

  'Lather as You Go' (1942)

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