It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin, That lays eggs under your skin.
When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.
An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
There is one fault that I must find With the twentieth century. And I'll put it in a couple of words; Too adventury. What I'd like would be some nice dull monotony If anyone's gotony.
Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.
Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.
No man is greater than his respect for sleep.
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
Bankers are just like everybody else, except richer.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder, Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives being embarrassed by our parents and the last part being embarrassed by our children.
Some hate broccoli, some hate bacon I hate having my picture taken. How can your family claim to love you And then demand a picture of you?
Here's a toast to the roast that good fellowship lends, with the sparkle of beer and wine; May its sentiment always be deeper, my friends, than the foam at the top of the stein. Then here's to the heartening wassail, wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.
Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can't seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!
In the world of mules there are no rules.
The doctor gets you when you're born, The preacher, when you marry, And the lawyer lurks with costly clerks If too much on you carry. Professional men, they have no cares; Whatever happens, they get theirs.
Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?
A bit of talcum Is always walcum.
Smallpox is natural; vaccine ain't.
And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.
Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.
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