Dorothy Parker Quotes

Quotes about:

• 

  Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

  Dorothy Parker

  Intelligent, Appreciate, Audience

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  199 Copy quote

• If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.

  Dorothy Parker

  Nice, Magnolias, Social Graces

  99 Copy quote
• 

  Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

  Dorothy Parker

  Creativity, Eye, Mind

  168 Copy quote

• The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

  Dorothy Parker

  Morning, Tongue, Firsts

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  185 Copy quote

• If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Inspiring, God

  137 Copy quote

• Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

  Dorothy Parker

  Birthday, Age, May

  150 Copy quote

• I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  166 Copy quote
• 

  The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

  Dorothy Parker

  Law, Laws Of Life, Dependable

  Dorothy Parker (2002). “Complete Stories”, p.200, Penguin

  167 Copy quote

• Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

  Dorothy Parker

  Dirty, Hands, Missing

  136 Copy quote

• The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Life, Wisdom

  83 Copy quote

• Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

  Dorothy Parker

  Years, Style, Garments

  136 Copy quote

• If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.

  Dorothy Parker

  Friendship, Happy, Writing

  142 Copy quote

• Four be the things I am wiser to know:
  Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
  Four be the things I'd been better without:
  Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
  Three be the things I shall never attain:
  Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
  Three be the things I shall have till I die:
  Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

  Dorothy Parker

  Hope, Laughter, Eye

  Dorothy Parker (1992). “The Sayings of Dorothy Parker”, Duckbacks

  88 Copy quote

• I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Writing, Problem

  93 Copy quote

• You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Women, Thinking

  On being challenged to use "horticulture" in a sentence, in John Keats You Might as well Live (1970) p. 46

  86 Copy quote

• That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

  Dorothy Parker

  Death, Tombstone, Cutting

  Dorothy Parker (2002). “Complete Stories”, p.125, Penguin

  62 Copy quote

• You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

  Dorothy Parker

  Dogma, Tricks, Wit

  Attributed to Dorothy Parker after her death in Robert E. Drennan "The Algonquin Wits" (p. 124), 1968.

  104 Copy quote

• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

  Dorothy Parker

  Hangover, Wrath, Grapes

  79 Copy quote

• Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

  Dorothy Parker

  Differences, Enzymes, Hormones

  91 Copy quote

• Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

  Dorothy Parker

  Humorous, Voice, Looks

  27 Copy quote

• Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.

  Dorothy Parker

  Honesty, Mean, Where You Are

  21 Copy quote

• If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.

  Dorothy Parker

  Sex, Party, Skirts

  119 Copy quote

• Lady, lady, never start Conversation toward your heart; Keep your pretty words serene; Never murmur what you mean. Show yourself, by word and look, Swift and shallow as a brook. Be as cool and quick to go As a drop of April snow; Be as delicate and gay As a cherry flower in May. Lady, lady, never speak Of the tears that burn your cheek- She will never win him, whose Words had shown she feared to lose. Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did.

  Dorothy Parker

  Wise, Flower, Heart

  Dorothy Parker, “The Lady's Reward”

  132 Copy quote

• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

  Dorothy Parker

  Marriage, Wedding, Stupid

  Dorothy Parker, Stuart Y. Silverstein (2009). “Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker”, p.19, Simon and Schuster

  90 Copy quote

• If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.

  Dorothy Parker

  Hurt, Attitude, Unnecessary

  Dorothy Parker (2002). “Complete Stories”, p.264, Penguin

  54 Copy quote

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