Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them.
Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat.
I hate writing, I love having written.
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