I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.
They took away our land, our language, and our religion; but they could never harness our tongues.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
The only thing I envy in young people is their livers.
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
The terrorist is the one with the small bomb.
I am a drinker with writing problems.
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.
I ruined my health drinking to other people's.
There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.
I'm a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
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