The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.
I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
They took away our land, our language, and our religion; but they could never harness our tongues.
The terrorist is the one with the small bomb.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
The only thing I envy in young people is their livers.
Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.
Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
I'm a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.
I am a drinker with writing problems.
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
Every cripple has his own way of walking.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
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