Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.
When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
Most horror movies are certainly that.
There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.
There's no one, no one, loves you like yourself.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
No man can discover his own talents.
I wish I'd been a mixed infant.
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