Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!
Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.
Every cripple has his own way of walking.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.
Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.
The English and Americans dislike only some Irish--the same Irish that the Irish themselves detest, Irish writers--the ones that think.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.
Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.
When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles ... it takes your mind off the cost of living.
I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.
Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.
Most horror movies are certainly that.
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.
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