An author's first duty is to let down his country.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
Nothing hurts more than the friendly letter that one never got around to writing.
God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.
Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.
A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles ... it takes your mind off the cost of living.
Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.
When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
Most horror movies are certainly that.
The sun was in mind to come out but having a look at the weather it was in lost heart and went back again.
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