New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
Failure at a task may be the result of having tackled it at the wrong time.
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
An author's first duty is to let down his country.
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can't do it themselves!
God forgive us-but most of us grew up to be the sort of men our mothers warned us against.
When two men fight over a woman it's the fight they want, not the woman.
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
Other people's interruptions of your work are relatively insignificant compared with the countless times you interrupt yourself.
A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles ... it takes your mind off the cost of living.
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
I never felt so much at home as I do in New York. I must be a devil.
There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
Scream at God if that's the only thing that will get results.
Prostitutes, more than any other profession, help keep American marriages together.
In a society which really supported marriage the wife would be encouraged to go to the office and make love to her husband on the company's time and with its blessing.
Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
No man can discover his own talents.
Most horror movies are certainly that.
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