When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
Until we meet again, may the good Lord take a liking to you.
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.
Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
Oh, he occasionally takes an alcoholiday.
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
One drink is to many for me and a thousand not enough.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
When money's tight and is hard to get And your horse has also ran, When all you have is a heap of debt A PINT OF PLAIN IS YOUR ONLY MAN.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.
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