Funny Marriage Quotes

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  A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.

  Ruth Graham

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  Ruth Bell Graham, Gigi Tchividjian (2009). “A Quiet Knowing”, p.42, Thomas Nelson Inc

  402 Copy quote

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• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Being Happy, Funny Relationship

  Irvin S. Cobb, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Helen Rowland, Richard Saunders (2017). “We Should All Be So Feminine: We Should All Be a Feminist: We Should All Be Feminists”, p.81, Lulu.com

  54 Copy quote

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• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  248 Copy quote

• My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.

  Joyce Brothers

  Marriage, Husband, Divorce

  26 Copy quote

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

  Milton Berle

  Love, Marriage, Husband

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  59 Copy quote

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• All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

  Red Skelton

  Inspirational, Marriage, Mistake

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  91 Copy quote

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• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

  94 Copy quote

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• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

  Sam Kinison

  Marriage, Wedding Anniversary, Years

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  99 Copy quote

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• 

  We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.

  Robert Fulghum

  Love, Funny, Life

  "True Love". Book by Robert Fulghum, 1997.

  862 Copy quote

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• Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Marriage, Women

  81 Copy quote

• A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Anniversary, Marriage, Wedding

  Attributed to "Essais" by Michel de Montaigne, Book I, Ch. 20, 1595.

  78 Copy quote

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• Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.

  James Dobson

  Love, Relationship, Marriage

  113 Copy quote
• 

  If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

  Katharine Hepburn

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  62 Copy quote

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• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Marriage, Pain

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.86, Crown Archetype

  30 Copy quote

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• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Family, Marriage, Funny Love

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

  38 Copy quote

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• Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Sexy

  97 Copy quote

• Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.

  Simone Signoret

  Love, Anniversary, Marriage

  69 Copy quote

• 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  54 Copy quote

• Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  57 Copy quote

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• It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

  Robert Frost

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  25 Copy quote

• Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

  Joyce Brothers

  Love, Marriage, Spiritual

  31 Copy quote

• The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.

  Shirley MacLaine

  Funny, Anniversary, Husband

  27 Copy quote

• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.

  Cher

  Love, Life, Relationship

  32 Copy quote

• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  114 Copy quote

• Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.

  Samuel Johnson

  Marriage, Wedding, Pain

  Rasselas ch. 26 (1759)

  15 Copy quote

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