To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
A man snatches the first kiss, pleads for the second, demands the third, takes the fourth, accepts the fifth - and endures all the rest.
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are 'made in America.'
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
True Love can be no deeper than your capacity for friendship, no higher than your ideals, and no broader than the scope of your vision.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
Eve had one advantage over all the rest of her sex. In his wildest moments of rage Adam never could accuse her of being 'just like her mother!
A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her imagination, and then they both speak of it as an affair of 'the heart.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
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