To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
Alas, why will a man spend months trying to hand over his liberty to a woman--and the rest of his life trying to get it back again?
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest.
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.
A woman's flattery may inflate a man's head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her.
Going through life without love is like going through a good dinner without an appetite -- everything seems so flat and tasteless.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
When perfect frankness comes in at the door love flies out of the window.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
Many men kill themselves for love, but many more women die of it
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.
A man's desire for a son is usually nothing but the wish to duplicate himself in order that such a remarkable pattern may not be lost to the world.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
A man marries one woman to escape from many others, and then chases many others to forget he's married to one.
Soft, sweet things with a lot of fancy dressing - that's what a little boy loves to eat and a grown man prefers to marry.
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart.
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.
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