To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they 'don't understand' one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.
Marriage is the miracle that transforms a kiss from a pleasure into a duty.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Never worry for fear you have broken a man's heart; at the worst it is only sprained and a week's rest will put it in perfect working condition again.
A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last.
A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.
When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
True love isn't the kind that endures through long years of absence, but the kind that endures through long years of propinquity.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
Love is a matter of give and take -- marriage, a matter of misgive and mistake.
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued.
A Bachelor of Arts is one who makes love to a lot of women, and yet has the art to remain a bachelor.
Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.
At twenty, a man feels awfully aged and blasé; at thirty, almost senile; at forty, "not so old"; and at fifty, positively skittish.
Eve had one advantage over all the rest of her sex. In his wildest moments of rage Adam never could accuse her of being 'just like her mother!
Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course.
Home is any four walls that enclose the right person.
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
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