Funny Women Quotes

• High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

  Christopher Morley

  Funny, Fashion, Women

  67 Copy quote

• I prefer the word 'homemaker' because 'housewife' always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.

  Bella Abzug

  Funny, Women, Wife

  67 Copy quote

• A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

  Gloria Steinem

  Hilarious, Heartbreak, Funny Love

  Attributed

  60 Copy quote

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• I hate women because they always know where things are.

  Voltaire

  Inspirational, Funny, Cute

  80 Copy quote

• A woman should soften but not weaken a man.

  Sigmund Freud

  Funny, Women, Should

  33 Copy quote

• As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sarcastic, Mother Daughter

  Oscar Wilde (2015). “The Picture of Dorian Gray (Diversion Classics)”, p.54, Diversion Books

  22 Copy quote

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• I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Women, Causes

  16 Copy quote
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  A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

  Eleanor Roosevelt

  Inspirational, Funny, Strength

  165 Copy quote
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  You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

  Erica Jong

  Love, Witty, Women

  145 Copy quote

• Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.

  Marlene Dietrich

  Funny, Change, Hilarious

  107 Copy quote

• Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Funny, Women, Hands

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.53, BookBaby

  13 Copy quote

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• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

  Timothy Leary

  Funny, Hilarious, Girly

  "Third and Possibly the Best 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said". Book by Robert Byrne, No. 40, 1986.

  292 Copy quote

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• Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

  Charlotte Whitton

  Funny, Hilarious, Strong Women

  Canada Month, June 1963. A later satirical version of this saying added to the end "Luckily, this is not difficult" (Paul Dickson, The Official Rules [1978]). See Eleanor Roosevelt 2

  94 Copy quote

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• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

  Jim Carrey

  Funny, Laughter, Women

  132 Copy quote

• I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they're the first to be rescued off sinking ships.

  Gilda Radner

  Funny, Cute, Women

  69 Copy quote

• If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

  Aristotle Onassis

  Funny Love, Witty, Money

  Quoted in Barbara Rowes, The Book of Quotes (1979)

  148 Copy quote

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• I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.

  Margaret Mead

  Funny, Hilarious, Peace

  "Quote Unquote". Book by Lloyd Cory, 1977.

  86 Copy quote

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• There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Hilarious, Women

  27 Copy quote

• A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

  Carrie Snow

  Inspiring, Women, Glowing

  110 Copy quote

• I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.

  Stanley Baldwin

  Trust, Sisterhood, Men

  "Brain Box". Book by Charles Phillips, p. 110, 2006.

  19 Copy quote

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• Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.

  Alfred Lord Tennyson

  Funny, Women, Heaven

  Alfred, Lord Tennyson (2012). “Idylls of the King”, p.133, Courier Corporation

  8 Copy quote

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• To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Funny, Girl, Women

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  26 Copy quote

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• All pretty girls are a trap, a pretty trap, and men expect them to be.

  Tennessee Williams

  Funny, Girl, Hilarious

  Tennessee Williams (1945). “The Glass Menagerie”, p.52, New Directions Publishing

  22 Copy quote

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• Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Women, Thinking

  'As You Like It' (1599) act 3, sc. 2, l. [265]

  15 Copy quote

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• I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Sex, Women

  7 Copy quote