Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Do unto others, then run
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.
Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.
Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?
I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.
Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
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