Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
Do unto others, then run
Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.
Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
Did you ever notice that everyone in favour of birth control has already been born ?
Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.
I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
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