Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 8

• There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

  Helen Rowland

  Marriage, Humorous, Food

  Helen Rowland (2017). “A Guide to Men: Being Encore Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”, p.22, Litres

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• Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Pay, Investment, Interest

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• It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Marriage, Dog, Couple

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• With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Birthday, Men, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.34, Zondervan

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• Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did.

  Bette Davis

  Respect, Ends, Conventions

  Bette Davis (1962). “The lonely life: an autobiography”, Putnam's

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• Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

  Stephen Leacock

  Love, Marriage, Girl

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.

  Thomas Mann

  Love, Life, Quality

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• Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

  Sydney Smith

  Anniversary, Marriage, Moving

  Quoted in Lady Holland, Memoir (1855)

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• Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

  Barbra Streisand

  Inspirational, Funny, Success

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• Love is being stupid together.

  Paul Valery

  Love, Romantic, Valentines Day

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• The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

  Peter De Vries

  Inspirational, Marriage, Children

  Tunnel of Love (1954) ch. 8

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• Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.

  Shelley Winters

  Lunch, Wife, Want

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• Any young man who is unmarried at the age of twenty one is a menace to the community.

  Brigham Young

  Marriage, Men, Community

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• Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.

  William Shakespeare

  Love, Boyfriend, Valentines Day

  'Hamlet' (1601) act 2, sc. 2, l. [115]

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• I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself.

  Dave Barry

  Believe, Passion, Flames

  Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

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• If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting.

  Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

  Men, Interesting, Married

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• When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.

  William Shakespeare

  Marriage, Thinking, Married

  'Much Ado About Nothing' (1598-9) act 2, sc. 3, l. [262]

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• Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!

  Robert Browning

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  "Rabbi Ben Ezra" l. 1 (1864)

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• And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate.

  Dodie Smith

  Hate, Men, Earth

  Dodie Smith (2017). “I Capture the Castle: Young Adult Edition”, p.149, St. Martin's Griffin

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• Never forget the nine most important words of any family- I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Beautiful, Forgiveness, Sorry

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• Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Marriage, Process, Prolonging

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• Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Depression, Husband

  'The Tempest' (1611) act 2, sc. 2, l. [42]

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• If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

  Marty Allen

  Marriage, Girl, Horse

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• Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn't be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he's the person I want to strain with.

  Patricia Arquette

  Thinking, Want, Persons

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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