Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 7

• If Marilyn is in love with my husband it proves she has good taste, for I am in love with him too.

  Simone Signoret

  Husband, Taste, Prove

  The New York Journal-American, November 14, 1960.

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• Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

  Georg C. Lichtenberg

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  22 Copy quote

• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

  52 Copy quote

• The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  147 Copy quote

• Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

  Minnie Pearl

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  30 Copy quote

• If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.

  Laurence Housman

  Marriage, Mothers Day, Mom

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.

  Armistead Maupin

  Marriage, Mother, Couple

  Armistead Maupin (1989). “Tales of the city ; More tales of the city ; Further tales of the city: an omnibus”, Vintage

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• I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Marriage, Inspiration, Sleep

  923 Copy quote

• If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

  Estelle Getty

  Sorry, Memorable, Mean

  21 Copy quote

• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

  Francois de La Rochefoucauld

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  64 Copy quote

• One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Love, Anniversary, Thank You

  Benjamin Franklin (2008). “The Way to Wealth and Poor Richard's Almanac”, Nayika Publishing

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• The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn't marry me.

  Robert Breault

  Marriage, Race, Want

  8 Copy quote

• There comes a time when a man and woman realize that their separate schemes can be better achieved as a conspiracy.

  Robert Breault

  Love, Family, Marriage

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• I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

  Patrick Murray

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  54 Copy quote

• Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.

  Bettina Arndt

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Arndt, Bettina, Bettina Arndt (2009). “The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex And Other Bedroom Battles”, p.60, Melbourne Univ. Publishing

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• Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Life, Witty

  "Joan Rivers obituary" by Michael Carlson, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2014.

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• To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart - about a finger's breadth - for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.

  Marnie Reed Crowell

  Love, Marriage, Fire

  Marnie Reed Crowell (1973). “Greener pastures”

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• Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

  Jim Backus

  Marriage, Humorous, Drinking

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins.

  Laozi

  Relationship, Marriage, Couple

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• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

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• I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.

  Maria Bamford

  Relationship, Kissing, Shopping

  "Comedy Central Presents (Maria Bamford)". TV Series, July 2, 2001.

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• Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

  Milton Berle

  Life, Sex, Wife

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• Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Marriage, Process, Prolonging

  8 Copy quote

• Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Depression, Husband

  'The Tempest' (1611) act 2, sc. 2, l. [42]

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