The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
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