Funny Valentines Day Quotes

• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  149 Copy quote

• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

  92 Copy quote

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  246 Copy quote

• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  90 Copy quote

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• You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

  Dr. Seuss

  Love, Life, Relationship

  560 Copy quote

• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Anniversary, Valentines Day

  98 Copy quote
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  Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.

  Sean Connery

  Love, Boyfriend, Valentines Day

  34 Copy quote

• A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.

  Rupert Brooke

  Love, Relationship, Valentines Day

  59 Copy quote

• Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

  Mickey Rooney

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  "Philip French's screen legends" by Philip French, www.theguardian.com. May 15, 2010.

  14 Copy quote

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• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

  Albert Einstein

  Change, Marriage, Valentines Day

  74 Copy quote

• One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

  Judith Viorst

  Love, Marriage, Fall

  Judith Viorst (1987). “Love and Guilt and the Meaning of Life, Etc.”, Fireside

  51 Copy quote

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• Love is a game that two can play and both win.

  Eva Gabor

  Love, Valentines Day, Fun

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  63 Copy quote

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• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  245 Copy quote

• A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

  Ingrid Bergman

  Love, Valentines Day, Nature

  "An Uncommon Scold". Book by Abby Adams, 1989.

  37 Copy quote

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• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  97 Copy quote

• Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

  David Letterman

  Valentines Day, Together, Beets

  20 Copy quote

• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

  A. A. Milne

  Love, Friendship, Birthday

  "Winnie-the-Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner". Book by A. A. Milne, 1928.

  134 Copy quote

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• I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Thank You, Valentines Day, Funny Love

  150 Copy quote

• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

  86 Copy quote

• I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

  Robert Orben

  Valentines Day, Girl, Heart

  Robert Orben (1969). “The Ad-libber's Handbook: 2000 New Laughs for Speakers”

  10 Copy quote

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• Love and a cough cannot be hid.

  George Herbert

  Love, Valentines Day, Valentine's Day

  George Herbert (1836). “The works of George Herbert. containing Parentalia, the 2nd copy wanting the 1st sheet of vol.2].”, p.141

  15 Copy quote

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• The bravest thing that men do is love women.

  Mort Sahl

  Love, Silly, Men

  10 Copy quote

• The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you.

  Rumi

  Anniversary, Marriage, Valentines Day

  Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi, “Untitled”

  97 Copy quote

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• The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

  Albert Ellis

  Love, Relationship, Inspiring

  13 Copy quote

• Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

  Jules Renard

  Love, Inspirational, Valentines Day

  82 Copy quote