When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.
Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.
The bastards murdered half my family.
Human population growth is probably the single most serious long-term threat to survival. We're in for a major disaster if it isn't curbed...We have no option. If it isn't controlled voluntarily, it will be controlled involuntarily by an increase in disease, starvation and war.
You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.
The conservation of nature, the proper care for the human environment and a general concern for the long-term future of the whole of our planet are absolutely vital if future generations are to have a chance to enjoy their existence on this earth.
If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, which I've practised for many years.
If anyone has a new idea in this country, there are twice as many people who keep putting a man with a red flag in front of it.
Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.
I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.
I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.
I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family.
A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now everybody's got more leisure time they're complaining they're unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want.
Change does not change tradition, it strengthens it. Change is a challenge and anopportunity, not a threat.
It's my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.
It's a vast waste of space.
Wildlife of the world is disappearing, not because of a malicious and deliberate policy of slaughter and extermination, but simply because of a general and widespread ignorance and neglect.
If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.
So who's on drugs here?... HE looks as if he's on drugs.
A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment.
But we are not going to be able to survive on this limited planet if the population keeps on growing: there isn't going to be anything left.
In the days when the nation depended on agriculture for its wealth it made the Lord Chancellor sit on a woolsack to remind him where the wealth came from. I would like to suggest we remove that now and make him sit on a crate of machine tools.
Do you work in a strip club?
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends