Craig Kilborn Quotes

Quotes about:

• A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

  Craig Kilborn

  Drinking, College, Phones

  45 Copy quote

• Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

  Craig Kilborn

  White, House, President

  15 Copy quote

• A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.

  Craig Kilborn

  Drinking, Nausea, Causes

  4 Copy quote

• Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

  Craig Kilborn

  Funny, Dog, Successful

  44 Copy quote

• In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.

  Craig Kilborn

  Iraq, Guy, President

  4 Copy quote

• There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Dollars, Moments, Embarrassing

  4 Copy quote

• In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

  Craig Kilborn

  Boston, Years, Massachusetts

  7 Copy quote

• My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Brother, People, Misanthrope

  4 Copy quote

• Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'

  Craig Kilborn

  Simple, Doors, Years

  "Hey, did you hear the one about the California recall election? Chads may have been hung in Florida, but the Golden State is keeping the nation's comics in funny business" by James Sullivan, www.sfgate.com. August 28, 2003.

  4 Copy quote

• As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

  Craig Kilborn

  Summer, Nice, Reading

  5 Copy quote

• It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses
  for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us
  all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was.

  Craig Kilborn

  War, Liars, Struggle

  4 Copy quote

• Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.

  Craig Kilborn

  Years, Stripes, Roles

  4 Copy quote

• Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Sleep, Hockey, Player

  7 Copy quote

• Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

  Craig Kilborn

  Wife, Gold, Cards

  4 Copy quote

• People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

  Craig Kilborn

  Sex, Years, People

  7 Copy quote

• I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

  Craig Kilborn

  Retirement, Wine, Red

  12 Copy quote

• Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Running, Race, Ohio

  7 Copy quote

• Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?

  Craig Kilborn

  Yellow, Orange, Tape

  4 Copy quote

• Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.

  Craig Kilborn

  Running, House, Plastic

  6 Copy quote

• Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.

  Craig Kilborn

  Dark, Looks, Safe

  4 Copy quote

• George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17

  Craig Kilborn

  Thinking, Hands, Numbers

  4 Copy quote

• Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.

  Craig Kilborn

  Running, Knights, Fields

  4 Copy quote

• I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

  Craig Kilborn

  Police, Scare, May

  4 Copy quote

• Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.

  Craig Kilborn

  Sleep, Personality, Shining

  4 Copy quote

• Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

  Craig Kilborn

  Eight, Names, Secret

  4 Copy quote

Page 1 of 4

← Prev

1

2

3

4

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin