Craig Kilborn Quotes

Quotes about:

• A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

  Craig Kilborn

  Drinking, College, Phones

  45 Copy quote

• Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

  Craig Kilborn

  White, House, President

  15 Copy quote

• A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.

  Craig Kilborn

  Drinking, Nausea, Causes

  4 Copy quote

• In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.

  Craig Kilborn

  Iraq, Guy, President

  4 Copy quote

• Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

  Craig Kilborn

  Funny, Dog, Successful

  42 Copy quote

• There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Dollars, Moments, Embarrassing

  4 Copy quote

• In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

  Craig Kilborn

  Boston, Years, Massachusetts

  7 Copy quote

• Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'

  Craig Kilborn

  Simple, Doors, Years

  "Hey, did you hear the one about the California recall election? Chads may have been hung in Florida, but the Golden State is keeping the nation's comics in funny business" by James Sullivan, www.sfgate.com. August 28, 2003.

  4 Copy quote

• As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

  Craig Kilborn

  Summer, Nice, Reading

  5 Copy quote

• It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses
  for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us
  all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was.

  Craig Kilborn

  War, Liars, Struggle

  4 Copy quote

• Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.

  Craig Kilborn

  Years, Stripes, Roles

  4 Copy quote

• Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Sleep, Hockey, Player

  7 Copy quote

• Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

  Craig Kilborn

  Wife, Gold, Cards

  4 Copy quote

• Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.

  Craig Kilborn

  Running, Eagles, California

  5 Copy quote

• There has been no electricity in Baghdad for a week and the people are angry. You would be angry too if you couldn't watch your brand new stolen TV.

  Craig Kilborn

  People, Tvs, Baghdad

  5 Copy quote

• California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'

  Craig Kilborn

  California, Asking, Four

  4 Copy quote

• I don't want to scare anybody here but we just received word from police that Howard Dean is loose and may be armed with a microphone.

  Craig Kilborn

  Police, Scare, May

  4 Copy quote

• Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts.

  Craig Kilborn

  Gay, People, Support

  4 Copy quote

• John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.

  Craig Kilborn

  Wife, Suits, Naked

  4 Copy quote

• John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.

  Craig Kilborn

  Hurt, Iraq, Shoulders

  4 Copy quote

• Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

  Craig Kilborn

  Eight, Names, Secret

  4 Copy quote

• This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message - if I have one.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Campaigns, Saws, Messages

  4 Copy quote

• John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

  Craig Kilborn

  Found Someone, President, Als

  "American Morning" with Bill Hemmer, www.cnn.com. November 2, 2004.

  10 Copy quote

• Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.

  Craig Kilborn

  Running, Knights, Fields

  4 Copy quote

• Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.

  Craig Kilborn

  Sleep, Personality, Shining

  4 Copy quote

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