Craig Kilborn Quotes

Quotes about:

• A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

  Craig Kilborn

  Drinking, College, Phones

  44 Copy quote

• Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

  Craig Kilborn

  White, House, President

  14 Copy quote

• A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.

  Craig Kilborn

  Drinking, Nausea, Causes

  3 Copy quote

• In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.

  Craig Kilborn

  Iraq, Guy, President

  3 Copy quote

• Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

  Craig Kilborn

  Funny, Dog, Successful

  40 Copy quote

• There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Dollars, Moments, Embarrassing

  3 Copy quote

• In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.

  Craig Kilborn

  Boston, Years, Massachusetts

  6 Copy quote

• Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'

  Craig Kilborn

  Simple, Doors, Years

  "Hey, did you hear the one about the California recall election? Chads may have been hung in Florida, but the Golden State is keeping the nation's comics in funny business" by James Sullivan, www.sfgate.com. August 28, 2003.

  3 Copy quote

• As the Democrats get revved up at their convention in Boston, President Bush is fighting back the only way he knows how: by going on vacation! Ah, it's nice to take a rest, replenish your supply of smirks. The vacation was expected, because Bush traditionally takes a month off every summer to relax and avoid reading National Security Warnings.

  Craig Kilborn

  Summer, Nice, Reading

  4 Copy quote

• It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses
  for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us
  all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was.

  Craig Kilborn

  War, Liars, Struggle

  3 Copy quote

• Federal authorities have informed Martha Stewart's lawyers she will be indicted for her role in the ImClone insider trading scandal. Good news for Martha - stripes are back in this year.

  Craig Kilborn

  Years, Stripes, Roles

  3 Copy quote

• Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'

  Craig Kilborn

  Sleep, Hockey, Player

  6 Copy quote

• Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.

  Craig Kilborn

  Wife, Gold, Cards

  3 Copy quote

• In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.

  Craig Kilborn

  President, Troops, Louisiana

  3 Copy quote

• I have a wonderful respect for old people.

  Craig Kilborn

  People, Wonderful, Old People

  3 Copy quote

• Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.

  Craig Kilborn

  Cutting, Night, Broken

  7 Copy quote

• Declassified papers report that John Kennedy was taking eight different medications a day. He was so wasted, his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

  Craig Kilborn

  Eight, Names, Secret

  3 Copy quote

• President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield.

  Craig Kilborn

  War, Iraq, President

  3 Copy quote

• As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day.

  Craig Kilborn

  President, Routine, Six Months

  3 Copy quote

• New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

  Craig Kilborn

  Cutting, Giving, Rumor

  7 Copy quote

• Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

  Craig Kilborn

  Military, Approval Rating, President

  3 Copy quote

• Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?

  Craig Kilborn

  Yellow, Orange, Tape

  3 Copy quote

• Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

  Craig Kilborn

  Bills, Nostalgic, Clinton

  15 Copy quote

• Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoir has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern.

  Craig Kilborn

  Sleep, Personality, Shining

  3 Copy quote

• There has been no electricity in Baghdad for a week and the people are angry. You would be angry too if you couldn't watch your brand new stolen TV.

  Craig Kilborn

  People, Tvs, Baghdad

  4 Copy quote

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