President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'
Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.
Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.
Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.
President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.
Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry.
President Bush is in the hot seat over Iraqi pre-war intelligence. Remember the good ol' days when the only thing the president was trying to cover up was a stain?
Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.
As John Kerry sails toward the Democratic nomination, new questions are emerging about President Bush's service in the National Guard, like where he was for six months in 1972 and why he refused to take a routine physical. President Bush has vowed to get to the bottom of this right after Election Day.
Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?
In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.
There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'
President Bush announced a billion dollar mission to the moon and Mars. He came up with a snappy new slogan - to drill where no man has drilled before.
With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something.
The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.
Saddam Hussein is about to face trial and George Bush wants to execute him. Not because of the war crimes, but because Saddam is beating him in the polls.
George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17
The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News.
You may have heard this, that NASA discovered water on Mars When he heard about the water on Mars, President Bush said, 'Is it regular or unleaded?'
Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush spend the night on the couch.
I have a wonderful respect for old people.
I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.
People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.
I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.
Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, 'If I can't run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I'm out of here.'
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