George Carlin Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• There are only two places in the world: over here and over there.

  George Carlin

  Two, World, Unschooling

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.105, Hachette UK

  9 Copy quote

• Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

  George Carlin

  Atheist, Thinking, Drug

  40 Copy quote

• Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.

  George Carlin

  Philosophy, Stupid People, Balance

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  34 Copy quote

• Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here.

  George Carlin

  Death, Suicide, Stupid

  51 Copy quote

• It used to be cars had cool names: Dart, Hawk, Fury, Cougar, Firebird, Hornet, Mustang, Barracuda. Now we have Elantra, Altima, Acura, Lumina, Sentra, Corolla, Maxima, Tercel. Further proof that America has lost its edge.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Names

  12 Copy quote

• I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.

  George Carlin

  Small Steps, Usual, Sociopath

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  12 Copy quote

• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Bible, Witty

  "George Carlin, R.I.P." by David Gibson, www.beliefnet.com. June 2008.

  812 Copy quote

• By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

  George Carlin

  Honesty, Comedian, Second Best

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  6 Copy quote

• It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.

  George Carlin

  Depressing, People, Culture

  15 Copy quote

• There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

  George Carlin

  Love You, Men, Sky

  7 Copy quote

• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  103 Copy quote

• If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.

  George Carlin

  Want, Arms, Given

  9 Copy quote

• People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

  George Carlin

  People, Upset, Want

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  6 Copy quote

• Always do whatever's next.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.217, Hachette UK

  6 Copy quote

• Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists."

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Terrorist, Murderer

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  33 Copy quote

• People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  54 Copy quote

• Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

  George Carlin

  Sarcastic, Laughter, Smart

  87 Copy quote

• So far, this is the oldest I've been.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  8 Copy quote

• The truth is, Pavlov's dog trained Pavlov to ring this bell just before the dog salivated.

  George Carlin

  Dog, Truth, Pavlov

  6 Copy quote

• Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack.

  George Carlin

  Bullshit, Soundtracks

  18 Copy quote

• Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard

  George Carlin

  Inspiration, Beard

  15 Copy quote

• A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.

  George Carlin

  Dog, Watches, Shame

  11 Copy quote

• Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.

  George Carlin

  Apathy, Today, Scientist

  21 Copy quote

• Children should be taught to question everything . . . everything they read and everything they hear.

  George Carlin

  Children, Taught, Should

  29 Copy quote

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