Humorous Quotes - Page 10

• One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

  Bertrand Russell

  Success, Work, Stress

  Conquest of Happiness (1930) ch. 5

  97 Copy quote

  Show source

• We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

  Douglas Adams

  Profound, Doubt, Demand

  Douglas Adams (2010). “The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”, p.158, Del Rey

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

  Auguste Rodin

  Witty, Art, Block

  28 Copy quote

• All science is either physics or stamp collecting.

  Ernest Rutherford

  Witty, Science, Insightful

  Quoted in J. B. Birks, Rutherford at Manchester (1962)

  64 Copy quote

  Show source

• Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Witty, Powerful, New Relationship

  8 Copy quote

• I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

  Elvis Presley

  Music, Witty, Redneck

  Quoted in Robert Byrne, The Other 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (1984)

  14 Copy quote

  Show source

• I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.

  Ronald Reagan

  Funny, Rights, Profound

  7 Copy quote

• I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

  Gore Vidal

  Witty, Sex, Powerful

  "Gore Vidal: The United States of Amnesia: Tribeca Review" by Frank Scheck, www.hollywoodreporter.com. April 19, 2013.

  10 Copy quote

  Show source

• I would have made a good pope.

  Richard M. Nixon

  Witty, Profound, Political

  23 Copy quote

• Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

  Bertrand Russell

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  28 Copy quote

• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

  Gloria Leonard

  Witty, Sex, Differences

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

  Show source

• Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important.

  Lisa Hoffman

  Love, Funny, Cute

  61 Copy quote

• Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

  Pierre-Simon Laplace

  Inspirational, Witty, Doubt

  12 Copy quote

• Vote early and vote often.

  Al Capone

  Witty, Powerful, Voting

  75 Copy quote

• This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Lying, Sarcasm, Men

  Arthur Conan Doyle, Scott McKowen (2004). “The Adventures and the Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes”, p.230, Sterling Publishing Company, Inc.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

  Fran Lebowitz

  Funny, Life, Witty

  FaceBook post by Fran Lebowitz from Apr 13, 2010

  32 Copy quote

  Show source

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

  51 Copy quote

  Show source

• We had got as far as this, when who should walk in but the gentleman himself, who had been drinking his beer in the taproom and had heard the whole conversation. Who was I? What did I want? What did I mean by asking questions? He had a fine flow of language, and his adjectives were very vigorous.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Drinking, Mean, Sarcasm

  Arthur Conan Doyle, General Press (2016). “The Complete Sherlock Holmes: All 56 Stories & 4 Novels”, p.425, GENERAL PRESS

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Witty, Women

  Quoted in Colin JarmanThe Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations (1990).

  40 Copy quote

  Show source

• All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought

  Robert Breault

  Funny, Life, Witty

  43 Copy quote

• All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

  Casey Stengel

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  76 Copy quote

• One dumb-bell, Watson! Consider an athlete with one dumb-bell. Picture to yourself the unilateral development - the imminent danger of a spinal curvature. Shocking, Watson, shocking!

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Athlete, Sarcasm, Dumb

  Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (2015). “Sherlock Holmes: The Novels: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition)”, p.303, Penguin

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  19 Copy quote

• How is it possible to have a civil war?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  9 Copy quote

• Living, as I do, in an educated and scientific atmosphere, I could not have conceived that the first principles of zoology were so little known. Is it possible that you do not know the elementary fact in comparative anatomy, that the wing of a bird is really the forearm, while the wing of a bat consists of three elongated fingers with membranes between?

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  Sarcasm, Wings, Bird

  Arthur Conan Doyle (1995). “The Lost World and Other Stories”, p.27, Wordsworth Editions

  14 Copy quote

  Show source