W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

  W. C. Fields

  Sympathy, Men, Forgiving

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• Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

  W. C. Fields

  Mom, Towns, Restaurants

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• Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

  W. C. Fields

  Marriage, Things In Life, Old Friends

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• I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

  W. C. Fields

  Years, Drunk, Twenties

  Quoted in The Quotations of W. C. Fields, ed. Martin Lewis (1976)

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• It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

  W. C. Fields

  Couple, Color, World

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• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

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• I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

  W. C. Fields

  Father, Science, Experts

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• It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny Life, Men, Lucky

  You're Telling Me (motion picture) (1934).

  19 Copy quote

• If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.

  W. C. Fields

  Cheating, Ifs

  "Fictional character: Cuthbert J. Twillie". "My Little Chickadee", www.imdb.com. 1940.

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• I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

  W. C. Fields

  Believe, Dining, Empty

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• Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

  W. C. Fields

  Uncles, Men, Giving

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• Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Religious, Drinking, Hysteria

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Dog, Men

  "W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles".

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• Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

  W. C. Fields

  Night, Bills, Lasts

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• Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

  W. C. Fields

  Husband, Devil, Acting

  23 Copy quote

• When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Morning, Wake Up

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• If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

  W. C. Fields

  Trying, Firsts, Doe

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• It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking

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• During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Wine, Water

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• All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

  W. C. Fields

  Family, Men, Beard

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• What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.

  W. C. Fields

  Mother, Brother, Sunshine

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

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• Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

  W. C. Fields

  Children, Comedy, Should

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• If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.

  W. C. Fields

  Believe, Church, Joining

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• I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

  W. C. Fields

  Home, Mean, Grandparent

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