W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Giving Up, Beer, Alcohol

  7 Copy quote

• No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.

  W. C. Fields

  Sympathy, Men, Forgiving

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• Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.

  W. C. Fields

  Mom, Towns, Restaurants

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• I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

  W. C. Fields

  Father, Science, Experts

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• Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

  W. C. Fields

  Marriage, Things In Life, Old Friends

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• It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny Life, Men, Lucky

  You're Telling Me (motion picture) (1934).

  19 Copy quote

• I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.

  W. C. Fields

  Years, Drunk, Twenties

  Quoted in The Quotations of W. C. Fields, ed. Martin Lewis (1976)

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• I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

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• Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.

  W. C. Fields

  Night, Bills, Lasts

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• It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

  W. C. Fields

  Couple, Color, World

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• When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Morning, Wake Up

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• If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.

  W. C. Fields

  Cheating, Ifs

  "Fictional character: Cuthbert J. Twillie". "My Little Chickadee", www.imdb.com. 1940.

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• I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.

  W. C. Fields

  Believe, Dining, Empty

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• Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, "You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!

  W. C. Fields

  Uncles, Men, Giving

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• Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Religious, Drinking, Hysteria

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Dog, Men

  "W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles".

  4 Copy quote

• Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.

  W. C. Fields

  Wife, Buried, My Wife

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• Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.

  W. C. Fields

  Husband, Devil, Acting

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• If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

  W. C. Fields

  Trying, Firsts, Doe

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• I never met a kid I liked.

  W. C. Fields

  Kids, Mets

  W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

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• During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Wine, Water

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• All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

  W. C. Fields

  Family, Men, Beard

  14 Copy quote

• It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking

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• Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.

  W. C. Fields

  Children, Comedy, Should

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• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

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