W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

  W. C. Fields

  Beer, Devil, Encounters

  78 Copy quote

• Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

  W. C. Fields

  Water, Say Anything, Drink

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• In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

  W. C. Fields

  Lying, Cities, People

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• I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

  W. C. Fields

  Noise, I Can

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• A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him; and it usually does.

  W. C. Fields

  Dream, Conceited, Men

  W. C. Fields (1968). “Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life”

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• The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Boys, Two

  "Fictional character: Cuthbert J. Twillie". "My Little Chickadee", www.imdb.com. 1940.

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• When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.

  W. C. Fields

  Money, Lawyer, Ifs

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• A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Needs, Intoxicated

  W. C. Fields, Ronald J. Fields (1973). “W. C. Fields by himself: his intended autobiography”, Prentice Hall

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• I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Hands, Nine

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• I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.

  W. C. Fields

  Business, Race, Years

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• Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.

  W. C. Fields

  Men, Saws, Saddest

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• It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.

  W. C. Fields

  Marriage, Girl, Father

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• My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.

  W. C. Fields

  Daughter, Men, Thinking

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• I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.

  W. C. Fields

  Mother, My Own

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• All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.

  W. C. Fields

  Insulting, Swallowing, Plums

  13 Copy quote

• Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Pineapples, Juice

  49 Copy quote

• I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Cute, Witty

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• Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

  W. C. Fields

  Fog, Philadelphia, Lasts

  Quoted in "Godfrey Daniels!," ed. Richard J. Anobile (1975)

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• The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humor, Hands

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• It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

  W. C. Fields

  Agents, Presses

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• Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.

  W. C. Fields

  Doctors, Lawyer, Dentist

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• It is funnier to bend things than to break them.

  W. C. Fields

  Break

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• Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.

  W. C. Fields

  Money, Advice, Might

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• California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

  W. C. Fields

  Fall, California, Rose

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• The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.

  W. C. Fields

  Differences, Directors, Peculiar

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