W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

  W. C. Fields

  Feet, House, Littles

  W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

  27 Copy quote

• There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  17 Copy quote

• I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Hunting

  74 Copy quote

• There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

  W. C. Fields

  Children, Food, Firsts

  20 Copy quote

• It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Confidence, Self Esteem

  57 Copy quote

• Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

  W. C. Fields

  Trust, Cutting, Cards

  50 Copy quote

• The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

  W. C. Fields

  Humor, Men, Lazy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  29 Copy quote

• It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Money, Scams

  67 Copy quote

• Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

  W. C. Fields

  Heart, Long, Worry

  23 Copy quote

• A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

  W. C. Fields

  Pain, Men, Necks

  18 Copy quote

• Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.

  W. C. Fields

  Tragedy, Comedy, Happenings

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• No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

  W. C. Fields

  Crazy, Doubt, Degrees

  29 Copy quote

• The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

  W. C. Fields

  Running, Dog, Special

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.150, Rowman & Littlefield

  10 Copy quote

• I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

  W. C. Fields

  Witty, Sunday, Thinking

  15 Copy quote

• A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Sarcastic, Money

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  351 Copy quote

• Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Travel, Book, Drinking

  76 Copy quote

• Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas

  W. C. Fields

  Religious, Xmas, Prayer

  W. C. Fields, Ronald J. Fields (1973). “W. C. Fields by himself: his intended autobiography”, Prentice Hall

  37 Copy quote

• Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

  W. C. Fields

  Should Have, Years, Gold

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  7 Copy quote

• Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Clever, Smart

  6 Copy quote

• The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

  W. C. Fields

  Wife, Needs, Splits

  15 Copy quote

• I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

  W. C. Fields

  Food, Water, Way

  42 Copy quote

• Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

  W. C. Fields

  Witty, Children, Hate

  15 Copy quote

• I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Memories, Humorous

  7 Copy quote

• Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Sex, Goodness

  79 Copy quote

• I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Moving, Nerves

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