Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 5

Quotes about:

• I shall drink no #‎ wine before it's time! OK, it's time.

  Groucho Marx

  Wine, Drink

  14 Copy quote

• Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

  Groucho Marx

  Hello, Animal Crackers, Glad

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", www.imdb.com. 1930.

  19 Copy quote

• I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

  Groucho Marx

  Sex, Funny Relationship, Goggles

  56 Copy quote

• I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Mothers Day, Children

  14 Copy quote

• I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

  Groucho Marx

  Agreement, Law, Practice

  At the Circus (motion picture) (1939). Screenplay by Irving Brecher.

  26 Copy quote

• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

  Groucho Marx

  Motivational, Leadership, Witty

  51 Copy quote

• Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and
  that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of
  it myself.

  Groucho Marx

  Dirty, Thinking, Stories

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  13 Copy quote

• Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Trying, Offers

  22 Copy quote

• Always examine the dice.

  Groucho Marx

  Life, Dice

  Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.13, Simon and Schuster

  16 Copy quote

• An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

  Groucho Marx

  Tape, Adhesive, Prevention

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  22 Copy quote

• One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Retirement, Wife

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.

  Groucho Marx

  Giving Up, Thinking, Ideas

  17 Copy quote

• Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Thinking

  22 Copy quote

• I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

  Groucho Marx

  Regret, Years, Age

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.28, Da Capo Press

  20 Copy quote

• I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I'd give it all up for one erection.

  Groucho Marx

  Sex, Awards, Government

  21 Copy quote

• From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Happiness, Witty

  Dust jacket for S. J. Perelman, Dawn Ginsbergh's Revenge (1929). This is described in Show Magazine, Nov. 1961.

  20 Copy quote

• You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.

  Groucho Marx

  Football, Team, Nfl

  30 Copy quote

• I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Rooms, Blanket

  "Fictional character: Hammer". "The Cocoanuts", www.imdb.com. 1929.

  8 Copy quote

• With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Long, Wish

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  14 Copy quote

• You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you

  Groucho Marx

  Beautiful, Inspiration, Beautiful Women

  38 Copy quote

• You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Way, My Way

  20 Copy quote

• Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  15 Copy quote

• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Laughter, Children

  11 Copy quote

• Wages? You want to be wage slaves? Answer me that! Of course not. What is it that makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free. Strike off your chains! Strike up the band! Strike three you're out! Remember, there's nothing like Liberty, except Colliers and The Saturday Evening Post. Be free, now and forever. One and individual. One for all and all for me, and tea for two and six for a quarter.

  Groucho Marx

  Wisdom, Two, Forever

  17 Copy quote

• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

  Groucho Marx

  Birthday, Funny Life, Inspiration

  11 Copy quote

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