Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
Always examine the dice.
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.
Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.
Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.
How would you like to feel the way she looks?
I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.
Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.
Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech, and that reminds me of a story that's so dirty I'm ashamed to think of it myself.
Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much
Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication
I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing
Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while
It isn't so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.
Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.
I shall drink no # wine before it's time! OK, it's time.
Blood's not thicker than money.
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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