Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Golf, Doctors

  54 Copy quote

• Go, and never darken my towels again

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  Duck Soup (motion picture) (1933). Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby.

  9 Copy quote

• We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Girl, Crazy

  24 Copy quote

• Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

  Groucho Marx

  Brother, Father, Years

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", 1933.

  17 Copy quote

• I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me

  Groucho Marx

  Husband, Inspiration, Years

  9 Copy quote

• You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  9 Copy quote

• Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humor, Insult

  Monkey Business (motion picture) (1931). Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone and S. J. Perelman.

  14 Copy quote

• Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Turkeys, Two

  8 Copy quote

• If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

  Groucho Marx

  Believe, Earthquakes, Smog

  13 Copy quote

• I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Kitchen, Hot

  11 Copy quote

• There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

  Groucho Marx

  Retirement, Work, Age

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

  9 Copy quote

• Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.

  Groucho Marx

  Life, Remember, Neighbor

  Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.62, Simon and Schuster

  7 Copy quote

• Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.88, Da Capo Press

  11 Copy quote

• Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to
  your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any
  difference.

  Groucho Marx

  Home, Differences, Wife

  16 Copy quote

• Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

  Groucho Marx

  Dance, Women, Inspiration

  16 Copy quote

• She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Fictional character: Dr. Hackenbush". "A Day at the Races", www.imdb.com. 1937.

  11 Copy quote

• You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces?

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Pieces, Breakdown

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", www.imdb.com. 1932.

  8 Copy quote

• A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

  Groucho Marx

  Wall, Inspiration, Animal

  19 Copy quote

• Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Gambling

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.132, Da Capo Press

  10 Copy quote

• My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Poetry, September 11

  9 Copy quote

• I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  Quoted in Look Magazine, 28 Mar. 1950

  10 Copy quote

• One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

  Groucho Marx

  Grandmother, Men, Grandfather

  14 Copy quote

• Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Baby, Husband

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.46, Da Capo Press

  12 Copy quote

• Firefly: Where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end. Firefly: Hmmph. No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh I see. Then, it was murder.

  Groucho Marx

  Husband, Firefly, Arms

  16 Copy quote

• Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  13 Copy quote

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