Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  21 Copy quote

• If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Want, Garbage

  46 Copy quote

• Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Firsts, Answers

  61 Copy quote

• I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Happiness, Happy, Positive Thinking

  56 Copy quote

• The only real laughter comes from despair.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  32 Copy quote

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  112 Copy quote

• Women should be obscene, not heard.

  Groucho Marx

  Should, Heard, Obscene

  41 Copy quote

• Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  19 Copy quote

• I love to read. My education is self-inflicted

  Groucho Marx

  Self, Love To Read, Self Inflicted

  12 Copy quote

• I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Book

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  39 Copy quote

• The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  Groucho Marx

  Differences, Judging, Slime

  18 Copy quote

• In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Kids, Air

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copy quote

• Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Kissing, Faces

  19 Copy quote

• Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

  Groucho Marx

  Girl, Crazy, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.248, Simon and Schuster

  22 Copy quote

• Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the second added

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Dinner, Firsts

  21 Copy quote

• No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

  Groucho Marx

  Real, Book, Play

  35 Copy quote

• Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Witty

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  93 Copy quote

• She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Family, Beauty

  66 Copy quote

• Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

  Groucho Marx

  Believe, Up Early, Bed

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  11 Copy quote

• I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Years

  37 Copy quote

• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  70 Copy quote

• Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

  Groucho Marx

  Running, Children, Years

  Duck Soup (motion picture) (1933). Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby.

  12 Copy quote

• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

  Groucho Marx

  Sarcastic, Running, Sap

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", 1932.

  14 Copy quote

• Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

  Groucho Marx

  Hello, Animal Crackers, Glad

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", www.imdb.com. 1930.

  19 Copy quote

• Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Mean, Fleas

  "Fictional character: Groucho". "Monkey Business", www.imdb.com. 1931.

  18 Copy quote

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