Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Happiness, Happy, Positive Thinking

  56 Copy quote

• Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  19 Copy quote

• Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Firsts, Answers

  61 Copy quote

• If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Want, Garbage

  47 Copy quote

• I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Book

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  40 Copy quote

• How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  22 Copy quote

• The only real laughter comes from despair.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  32 Copy quote

• In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Kids, Air

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  114 Copy quote

• I love to read. My education is self-inflicted

  Groucho Marx

  Self, Love To Read, Self Inflicted

  13 Copy quote

• Women should be obscene, not heard.

  Groucho Marx

  Should, Heard, Obscene

  41 Copy quote

• The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  Groucho Marx

  Differences, Judging, Slime

  19 Copy quote

• Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Kissing, Faces

  19 Copy quote

• Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

  Groucho Marx

  Girl, Crazy, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.248, Simon and Schuster

  23 Copy quote

• Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the second added

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Dinner, Firsts

  22 Copy quote

• I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Years

  37 Copy quote

• No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

  Groucho Marx

  Real, Book, Play

  36 Copy quote

• The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  71 Copy quote

• She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Family, Beauty

  66 Copy quote

• Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

  Groucho Marx

  Marriage, Funny Love, Witty

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  93 Copy quote

• Believe me, you have to get up early if you want to get out of bed.

  Groucho Marx

  Believe, Up Early, Bed

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  11 Copy quote

• Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

  Groucho Marx

  Halloween, Lasts, Famous Last Words

  "What Jesus' Words in Death Reveal About His Life" by Greg Laurie, www.christianpost.com. April 14, 2017.

  22 Copy quote

• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

  Groucho Marx

  Sarcastic, Running, Sap

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", 1932.

  14 Copy quote

• Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

  Groucho Marx

  Running, Children, Years

  Duck Soup (motion picture) (1933). Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby.

  13 Copy quote

• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

  Groucho Marx

  Motivational, Leadership, Witty

  51 Copy quote

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