Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

  Groucho Marx

  Government, Feet, Income

  26 Copy quote

• Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Cows, Pun

  17 Copy quote

• If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Inspiration

  18 Copy quote

• Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Girl, Witty

  Groucho Marx, Richard J. Anobile (1973). “The Marx Bros. Scrapbook”, Crown Publishing Group (NY)

  11 Copy quote

• Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

  Groucho Marx

  House, Lovely, Underestimate

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.198, Da Capo Press

  4 Copy quote

• Do you mind if I don't smoke?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", www.imdb.com. 1930.

  13 Copy quote

• But what makes wage slaves? Wages!

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Wages, Slave

  "Fictional character: Hammer". "The Cocoanuts", www.imdb.com. 1929.

  8 Copy quote

• The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Games, Play

  9 Copy quote

• Mrs. Teasdale congratulates him on his coronation and sovereignty: "The eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every country are gathered here in your honor. This is a gala day for you." Firefly replies: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don't think I could handle any more."

  Groucho Marx

  Country, Eye, Firefly

  13 Copy quote

• There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

  Groucho Marx

  Drinking, Inspiration, Men

  61 Copy quote

• A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

  Groucho Marx

  Organization, People, World

  14 Copy quote

• The months before my son was born,
  I used to yell from night to morn,
  'Whatever it is, I'm against it!
  No matter what it is or who commenced it,
  I'm against it!'

  Groucho Marx

  Son, Night, Matter

  14 Copy quote

• I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Wish

  14 Copy quote

• Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

  Groucho Marx

  Eight, Four, Tables

  8 Copy quote

• She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.

  Groucho Marx

  Life, Party, Inspiration

  16 Copy quote

• Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Eye, Ice Water

  7 Copy quote

• Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, New York

  9 Copy quote

• You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

  Groucho Marx

  Party, Inspiration, Beer

  "Fictional character: Groucho". "Monkey Business", www.imdb.com. 1931.

  14 Copy quote

• Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sexy, Sex And Love

  11 Copy quote

• Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Horse, Crazy

  14 Copy quote

• Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

  Groucho Marx

  Wise, Doubt, Cracks

  7 Copy quote

• It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Ivory, Alabama

  11 Copy quote

• I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

  Groucho Marx

  Tape, Inches

  "Fictional character: S. Quentin Quale". "Go West", 1940.

  7 Copy quote

• Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  9 Copy quote

• Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

  Groucho Marx

  Country, Crackers, Animal Crackers

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  23 Copy quote

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