Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 12

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• With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  7 Copy quote

• Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Crazy

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• The admission fee was a viper's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto. It was a sort of intellectual slaughterhouse.

  Groucho Marx

  Intellectual, Intelligence, Tongue

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.108, Da Capo Press

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• The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Liars

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.28, Da Capo Press

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• Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

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• To write an autobiography of Groucho Marx would be as asinine as to read an autobiography of Groucho Marx.

  Groucho Marx

  Writing, Would Be, Autobiography

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.213, Da Capo Press

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• Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Might

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• Any place I hang my head is home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

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• No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Real

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• If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Years, Married

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• I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Hate

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.29, Da Capo Press

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• I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Wife, Boat

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

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• There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Mustache, Black

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• I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

  Groucho Marx

  Needs, Teach, Kicks

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• You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.

  Groucho Marx

  Wine, Night, June

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• Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.98, Da Capo Press

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• My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humor, People

  Groucho Marx (1976). “Beds”, Bobbs-Merrill Company

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• He [Groucho's father] had absolutely no training, and if you had ever seen one of his suits, you'd realize what an accurate statement that is. You see, Pop never used a tape measure. He didn't believe in it. He said he could just look at a man and tell his size, with the result that frequently he'd make a pair of pants with one trouser leg seven or eight inches longer than the other.

  Groucho Marx

  Father, Believe, Men

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A man who says he can see through a woman is missing a lot.-Groucho Marx
  A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Missing, Feels

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• We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

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• Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sexy, Real

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• All geniuses die young.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

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• I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

  Groucho Marx

  Book, Reading, Writing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast.

  Groucho Marx

  Aspirin, Clown, Wells

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• Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars?

  Groucho Marx

  Men, Weight, Caterpillars

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