Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 11

Quotes about:

• As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  4 Copy quote

• I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Writing

  Groucho Marx (2007). “The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx”, p.133, Simon and Schuster

  7 Copy quote

• Thirteen at a table is unlucky only,
  when the hostess has only twelve chops.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Twelve, Tables

  11 Copy quote

• Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

  Groucho Marx

  Hey, Opera, Because Of You

  10 Copy quote

• I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup.

  Groucho Marx

  Home, Opportunity, Play

  7 Copy quote

• Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

  Groucho Marx

  Giving, Mind, Paper

  5 Copy quote

• Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.

  Groucho Marx

  Success, America, World

  8 Copy quote

• You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Brother

  10 Copy quote

• The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2000). “The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx”, Vintage

  5 Copy quote

• A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

  Groucho Marx

  Smell, Six, Inches

  "Fictional character: Emile J. Keck". "Double Dynamite", www.imdb.com. 1951.

  12 Copy quote

• I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

  Groucho Marx

  People, Clubs, Want

  5 Copy quote

• Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Horse

  1937 Line delivered in A Day at the Races (screenplay by George Seaton, Robert Pirosh and George Oppenheimer).

  12 Copy quote

• The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.

  Groucho Marx

  Simple, Shoes, Alps

  13 Copy quote

• Was that you or the duck?

  Groucho Marx

  Ducks

  "Fictional character: Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff". "Horse Feathers", 1932.

  10 Copy quote

• I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Hero

  4 Copy quote

• I came here for a party and what do I get? Nothing. Not even Ice cream.

  Groucho Marx

  Party, Ice Cream, Ice

  7 Copy quote

• A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  20 Copy quote

• Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?

  Groucho Marx

  Money, War, Firefly

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  5 Copy quote

• John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Confused

  8 Copy quote

• Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

  Groucho Marx

  Book, Giving, Dollars

  5 Copy quote

• Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Agriculture

  5 Copy quote

• Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

  Groucho Marx

  Choices, Smoking, Cigar

  23 Copy quote

• Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Daughter, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Successful, Ducks

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.211, Da Capo Press

  5 Copy quote

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