Steven Wright Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Memories, Humor

• If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Success, Clever
• 

  There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Sports, Sarcastic

• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Birthday, Humor

  "Happy Birthday to You" by Don Meyer, Ph.D., www.huffingtonpost.com. October 1, 2013.

• If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, People

• I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Reading

• I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.
• 

  I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Food, Coffee

• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  "Steven Wright Special". Comedy, 1985.

• When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Teacher, School

• Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Country, Witty

• I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Beach, Nature

• If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Laughing

• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Taste

• Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Humor

• I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humorous, Food

• You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Laughter, Humorous

• All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Believe, Humor

• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Summer, Humor

• If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Cat

• If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

  Steven Wright

  Inspirational, Funny, Men

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