Steven Wright Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Barbie

  46 Copy quote

• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

  Steven Wright

  Humor, Territory, Lost

  24 Copy quote

• Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Money, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

  Steven Wright

  Inspirational, Life, Thinking

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  26 Copy quote

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Psychics

  21 Copy quote

• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  23 Copy quote

• They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Microwaves

  "When the Leaves Blow Away". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

  66 Copy quote

• It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "The Secret of All Art" by James Altucher, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 3, 2015.

  25 Copy quote

• Hermits have no peer pressure.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Solitude

  21 Copy quote

• Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?

  Steven Wright

  Cat, Half, Half Life

  12 Copy quote

• I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Husband, Humor

  41 Copy quote

• When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

  Steven Wright

  Mother, Sleep, Night

  12 Copy quote

• Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Building

  40 Copy quote

• If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Styrofoam

  27 Copy quote

• I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Shadow

  16 Copy quote

• If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

  Steven Wright

  Home, Heaven, Energy

  21 Copy quote

• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Lightning

  9 Copy quote

• Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Night

  48 Copy quote

• I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Ice

  57 Copy quote

• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  18 Copy quote

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Clever, Business

  82 Copy quote

• Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

  Steven Wright

  Trying, Proud, Modest

  14 Copy quote

• How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Gun

  11 Copy quote

• In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, School, Humor

  28 Copy quote

• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

  Steven Wright

  Love, Dream, Funny Inspirational

  40 Copy quote

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