Steven Wright Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Orange

  22 Copy quote

• Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Yesterday

  17 Copy quote

• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  37 Copy quote

• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

  Steven Wright

  Chess, Pawns, Pawn Shops

  10 Copy quote

• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Bags

  16 Copy quote

• When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Real, Humor

  30 Copy quote

• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  "Steven Wright Special". Comedy, 1985.

  217 Copy quote

• Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Preparation

  11 Copy quote

• Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

  Steven Wright

  Distance, Long, Walking

  4 Copy quote

• Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

  Steven Wright

  Night, Gambling, People

  92 Copy quote

• Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!

  Steven Wright

  Laughing, Bird, Imagine

  34 Copy quote

• You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Fall

  8 Copy quote

• If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Two

  26 Copy quote

• How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Gun

  11 Copy quote

• Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Together

  11 Copy quote

• I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it

  Steven Wright

  Home, Energy, Pay

  6 Copy quote

• In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, School, Humor

  28 Copy quote

• I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Friends

  39 Copy quote

• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  18 Copy quote

• They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

  Steven Wright

  Helping, Should, Traffic

  47 Copy quote

• Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Real, Humor

  9 Copy quote

• The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Waiting

  8 Copy quote

• Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

  Steven Wright

  Children, Nice, Home

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  59 Copy quote

• I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Business, Humor

  57 Copy quote

• You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Humor

  8 Copy quote

Page 7 of 22

First

← Prev

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin