Steven Wright Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?

  Steven Wright

  Killing, Eternity, Time To Kill

  9 Copy quote

• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  "Steven Wright Special". Comedy, 1985.

  217 Copy quote

• Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Yesterday

  17 Copy quote

• I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Motivation, Lying

  14 Copy quote

• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

  Steven Wright

  Laughing, Sense Of Humor, Cattle

  10 Copy quote

• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Orange

  22 Copy quote

• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  37 Copy quote

• Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Paramedics

  15 Copy quote

• When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Real, Humor

  30 Copy quote

• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

  Steven Wright

  Chess, Pawns, Pawn Shops

  10 Copy quote

• Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Bags

  16 Copy quote

• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

  Steven Wright

  Coffee, Comedy, Break

  64 Copy quote

• Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!

  Steven Wright

  Laughing, Bird, Imagine

  34 Copy quote

• Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

  Steven Wright

  Night, Gambling, People

  92 Copy quote

• Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Preparation

  11 Copy quote

• I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Reading

  52 Copy quote

• If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Two

  26 Copy quote

• Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Country, Witty

  99 Copy quote

• You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Fall

  8 Copy quote

• What do batteries run on?

  Steven Wright

  Running, Home, Energy

  7 Copy quote

• I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Friends

  39 Copy quote

• I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Visionaries

  27 Copy quote

• Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Together

  11 Copy quote

• They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

  Steven Wright

  Helping, Should, Traffic

  47 Copy quote

• Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

  Steven Wright

  Distance, Long, Walking

  4 Copy quote

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