Steven Wright Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Feelings, Kind

  11 Copy quote

• Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Lethal Injection

  9 Copy quote

• Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Country, Witty

  99 Copy quote

• I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Water

  23 Copy quote

• I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

  Steven Wright

  Mind, Madness, Lost

  38 Copy quote

• Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Fog

  11 Copy quote

• Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Writing, Humor

  16 Copy quote

• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

  Steven Wright

  Animal, Plant

  23 Copy quote

• Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

  Steven Wright

  Dream, Night, World

  17 Copy quote

• A metaphor is like a simile.

  Steven Wright

  Humor, Metaphor, Simile

  7 Copy quote

• I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Real, Humor

  16 Copy quote

• I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Visionaries

  27 Copy quote

• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

  Steven Wright

  Coffee, Comedy, Break

  64 Copy quote

• I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Reading

  51 Copy quote

• The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Christmas, Tired

  87 Copy quote

• Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

  Steven Wright

  Thinking, Comedy, Express Yourself

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Tourists

  25 Copy quote

• If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Light

  33 Copy quote

• Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Chickens

  15 Copy quote

• I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

  Steven Wright

  Dying, Almost Dying, Bungee

  23 Copy quote

• Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

  Steven Wright

  11 Copy quote

• When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

  Steven Wright

  Death, Fun, Science

  9 Copy quote

• The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Bread

  9 Copy quote

• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Rays

  4 Copy quote

• I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Shadow

  16 Copy quote

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