Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
43.7 per cent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
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