Comedian Quotes - Page 9

• It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Money, Nice

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 09, 2012

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• If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

  Henny Youngman

  Inspirational, Funny, Success

  84 Copy quote

• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.

  Jack E. Leonard

  Funny, Life, Death

  "The Comedian: It's Not Easy Being Mean" by Amy Nicholson, www.mtv.com. February 1, 2017.

  80 Copy quote

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• You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

  Robin Williams

  Life, Philosophy, Memorable

  92 Copy quote

• Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life

  Michael Palin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  64 Copy quote

• I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as we all should. I dunno. You don't live that long. It doesn't matter.

  Louis C. K.

  Life, Sleep, Insomnia

  7 Copy quote

• It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed.

  Paula Poundstone

  Truth, Women, Book

  41 Copy quote
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  You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

  Tina Fey

  Witty, Smart, Humor

  Interview with Oprah Winfrey, www.oprah.com. February, 2009.

  37 Copy quote

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• As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts.

  David Sedaris

  Funny, Children, Growing Up

  9 Copy quote

• The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.

  Louis C. K.

  Kindness, Looks, Be Kind

  "Louie: Pregnant". TV Series, tv.avclub.com. 2011.

  34 Copy quote

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• My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

  Caroline Rhea

  Inspirational, Funny, Hilarious

  103 Copy quote
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  I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

  Robin Williams

  Love, Life, Lonely

  1034 Copy quote

• I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.

  Tracee Ellis Ross

  Inspirational, Learning, Positive Thinking

  FaceBook post by Tracee Ellis Ross from Jul 05, 2012

  88 Copy quote

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• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Humorous, Thinking

  68 Copy quote

• Something I'll always remember - when I was a kid, I shook hands with Orville Wright. Forty years later, I shook hands with Neil Armstrong. The guy that invented the airplane and the guy that walked on the moon. In a lifetime, that's kinda wild when you think about it.

  Jonathan Winters

  Kids, Airplane, Thinking

  49 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  120 Copy quote
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  It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

  John Waters

  Inspirational, Life, Happiness

  Interview with Scott Tobias, www.avclub.com. August 16, 2000.

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• A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  20 Copy quote

• Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.

  Stephen Fry

  Inspirational, Funny, Humorous

  Twitter post from Mar 11, 2009

  24 Copy quote

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  There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Sports, Sarcastic

  93 Copy quote

• Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

  Lenny Bruce

  Lying, Next Week, May

  19 Copy quote

• The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there, and you are a comedian, and you're doing one thing. That is, you're going to make the audience laugh.

  Leslie Nielsen

  Laughing, Style, Violence

  8 Copy quote

• There was this whole middle time that only Chris Rock came out of, you know, 10 years ago it was Chris and a few other people, but that's about it. Chris is in a class of his own; I don't see another comedian who I put in high regard as him.

  Bob Saget

  Rocks, Years, Class

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.

  Louie Anderson

  Inspirational, Boys, Fans

  7 Copy quote

• I don’t like writing for comedians. I like writing for actors. The best comedians are the best actors.

  Neil Simon

  Writing, Actors

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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