Comedian Quotes - Page 8

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  In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

  Bill Cosby

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  Twitter post from Nov 18, 2009

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• Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Government, Next

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Aug 06, 2012

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• When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

  Rich Hall

  Funny, Witty, Work

  111 Copy quote

• Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking

  George Carlin

  Eye, People, Looks

  18 Copy quote

• The three toughest fighters I ever fought were Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Robinson and Sugar Ray Robinson. I fought Sugar so many times, I'm surprised I'm not diabetic.

  Jake LaMotta

  Funny, Fighting, Boxing

  "Jake LaMotta - a life in pictures" by Daffydd Bynon, www.theguardian.com. September 20, 2017.

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  Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

  Betty White

  Funny, Jealousy, Humorous

  92 Copy quote

• Avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason boys - to woo women - and in that endeavor, laziness will not do.

  Robin Williams

  Sad, Tired, Boys

  85 Copy quote

• Look at what you could have won!

  Jim Bowen

  Winning, Games, Looks

  "Bullseye", www.imdb.com. (1981– ).

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  I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Hilarious, Hate

  Quoted in Michele Brown and Ann O'Connor, Woman Talk (1984)

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• Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?

  Nipsey Russell

  Funny, Humorous, Moving

  84 Copy quote

• We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

  Fred Allen

  Historical, Competition, Age

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.179, Pickle Partners Publishing

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• I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion.

  Anthony Anderson

  Actors, Occasions, Happens

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.

  Aries Spears

  Everyday Things, Exaggeration Is, Average

  9 Copy quote

• Creator: A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

  H. L. Mencken

  Freedom, Laughing, Democracy

  "A Mencken Chrestomathy". Book by H. L. Mencken, ch. 30, 1949.

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• I think, first of all, you need to love what you're doing, and then this helps in the comedian for its part in everything - but the moment you enjoy what you're doing, you try to express yourself, to find your way, and every time is different, of course.

  Cecilia Bartoli

  Thinking, Trying, Doing You

  "Diva Cecilia Bartoli". Interview with Elizabeth Farnsworth, www.pbs.org. November 9, 1998.

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• My goal is just to become a better comedian.

  Ron White

  Goal

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• Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

  Johnny Vegas

  Up North, Holding On

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• I'm not a comedian, I'm an actor.

  Chris Diamantopoulos

  Actors

  "Chris Diamantopoulos Talks THE THREE STOOGES, Honor in Reviving the Characters, and the Audition Process for Moe". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. April 11, 2012.

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• I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Humorous, Memorable

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  It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

  John Waters

  Inspirational, Life, Happiness

  Interview with Scott Tobias, www.avclub.com. August 16, 2000.

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• A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

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• Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.

  Stephen Fry

  Inspirational, Funny, Humorous

  Twitter post from Mar 11, 2009

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• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Humorous, Thinking

  68 Copy quote

• Something I'll always remember - when I was a kid, I shook hands with Orville Wright. Forty years later, I shook hands with Neil Armstrong. The guy that invented the airplane and the guy that walked on the moon. In a lifetime, that's kinda wild when you think about it.

  Jonathan Winters

  Kids, Airplane, Thinking

  49 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  120 Copy quote