There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
I can resist everything except temptation.
I believe in the truth of fairy-tales more than I believe in the truth in the newspaper.
Political correctness is tyranny with manners.
High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.
Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.
A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours.
I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
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