I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."
Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.
Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Women are made to be loved, not understood.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"
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