A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
I've never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don't sit on a wall, if you're an egg.
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
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