Funny Quotes - Page 5

• If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

  Robin Williams

  Inspirational, Strong Women, War

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.

  Thomas Sowell

  Laughter, Ignorance, Thorough Knowledge

  "A Childish Letter". Column at Jewish World Review, www.jewishworldreview.com. August 17, 1998.

  111 Copy quote

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• If you're going through hell, keep going.

  Winston Churchill

  Inspirational, Motivational, Change

  138 Copy quote

• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

  Margaret Mead

  Inspirational, Inspiring, Laughter

  84 Copy quote

• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Witty, Trying

  89 Copy quote

• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

  Mark Twain

  Life, Sarcastic, Time

  "Mark Twain: Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, and Essays Vol. 1 1852-1890".

  204 Copy quote

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• If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.

  Ann Landers

  Witty, Children, Talking

  179 Copy quote
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  The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

  Vince Lombardi

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  111 Copy quote

• My neighbor has two dogs. One of them says to the other, "Woof!" The other replies, "Moo!" The dog is perplexed. "Moo? Why did you say 'Moo'?" The other dog says, "I'm trying to learn a foreign language."

  Morey Amsterdam

  Dog, Humor, Two

  111 Copy quote

• Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

  Helen Rowland

  Birthday, Motivation, Vision

  129 Copy quote

• Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

  Ronald Reagan

  Baby, Military, Humor

  Ronald Reagan, Bill Adler (1981). “The Reagan wit”, Jameson Books

  236 Copy quote

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• Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

  Elbert Hubbard

  Inspirational, Life, Morning

  Elbert Hubbard (1917). “In the Spotlight: Personal Experiences of Elbert Hubbard on the American Stage”

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• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Humorous, Health

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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• Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

  John Hughes

  Inspirational, Life, Movie

  157 Copy quote

• Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop

  Gertrude Stein

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  89 Copy quote

• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Life, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  107 Copy quote

• Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

  Bill Hicks

  Dream, Witty, Philosophy

  "Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

  146 Copy quote

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• Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Positive, Witty, Art

  "Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time". Book by Laurence J. Peter, p. 362, 1977.

  108 Copy quote

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• High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

  Christopher Morley

  Fashion, Women, Kissing

  56 Copy quote

• We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Witty, Learning, Humor

  155 Copy quote

• Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.

  Enid Blyton

  Senior

  80 Copy quote

• Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

  Ozzy Osbourne

  Crazy, Missing, Drug

  52 Copy quote

• The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  Abraham Lincoln (1992). “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln”, Plume

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• My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

  Indira Gandhi

  Success, Leadership, Witty

  "Taking Charge : Every Woman's Action Guide to Personal, Political and Professional Success". Book by Joan Steinau Lester )p. 76), 1996.

  496 Copy quote

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  A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

  Steve Martin

  Witty, Laughter, Hipster

  FaceBook post by Steve Martin from Jun 14, 2011

  52 Copy quote

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