Funny Quotes - Page 10

• Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Positive, Witty, Art

  "Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time". Book by Laurence J. Peter, p. 362, 1977.

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• Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

  Anton Chekhov

  Humor, Doctors, Law

  Ivanov I

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• When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

  George Burns

  Witty, Humorous, Boys

  George Burns (1986). “Dear George: advice & answers from America's leading expert on everything from A to B”, G K Hall & Co

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  Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.

  Channing Tatum

  Life, Beautiful, Humorous

  134 Copy quote

• I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

  Lily Tomlin

  Inspirational, Life, Birthday

  68 Copy quote

• A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Laughter, Men, Thinking

  51 Copy quote

• The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.

  Bertrand Russell

  Inspirational, Patience, Witty

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• Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

  Charlton Heston

  Sarcastic, Witty, Atheist

  "Appreciation: Charlton Heston" by Richard Corliss, content.time.com. April 6, 2008.

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• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Christmas, Wise, Religious

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Witty, Laughter, Children

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  Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

  Douglas Adams

  Education, Wisdom, Clever

  Douglas Adams, Mark Carwardine (2011). “Last Chance to See”, p.132, Ballantine Books

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• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Motivational, Birthday

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

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• High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.

  Christopher Morley

  Fashion, Women, Kissing

  67 Copy quote

• When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

  Garry Shandling

  Sleep, Legs, Way

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• If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

  Mark Twain

  Inspiring, Thankful, Dog

  Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 16, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

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• The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs.

  Maureen Johnson

  Inspirational, New Beginnings, Stopping

  Maureen Johnson (2009). “The Key to the Golden Firebird”, Harper Collins

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• Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

  M. Scott Peck

  Inspirational, Motivational, Time

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• I can resist everything except temptation.

  Oscar Wilde

  Sarcastic, Witty, Good Life

  Lady Windermere's Fan act 1 (1892) See Balzac 1; Clementina Graham 1; Mae West 19; Wilde 25

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• You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.

  Yogi Berra

  Inspirational, Motivational, Success

  "What Time Is It? You Mean Now?: Advice for Life from the Zennest Master of Them All". Book by Yogi Berra, 2003.

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  If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

  Terry Pratchett

  Motivational, Trust, Dream

  FaceBook post by Terry Pratchett from Aug 28, 2015

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• Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

  David Letterman

  Sarcastic, Purpose, Television

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• Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.

  Will Rogers

  Smile, Money, Art

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• I believe in the truth of fairy-tales more than I believe in the truth in the newspaper.

  Lotte Reiniger

  Truth, Humorous, Believe

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• A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

  Winston Churchill

  Humorous, Next Week, Years

  In B. Adler Churchill Wit (1965) p. 4

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  The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

  Winston Churchill

  Trust, Witty, Freedom

  Winston S. Churchill (2013). “Churchill By Himself”, p.1079, RosettaBooks

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