Charles Dickens Funny Quotes

• A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

  Charles Dickens

  Love, Funny, Family

• If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Law, People

  Charles Dickens (1848). “The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. From a Painting by Geo. Cattermole, Etc”, p.255

• Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Christmas, Xmas

  "The Pickwick Papers". Book by Charles Dickens, 1836.

• He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Hands

  Charles Dickens (1853). “Bleak House”, p.15

• He would make a lovely corpse.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Death, Witty

  Martin Chuzzlewit ch. 25 (1844)

• Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, People, Literature

  Charles Dickens (1872). “A Cyclopedia of the Best Thoughts of Charles Dickens”, p.197

• Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Men

  'Martin Chuzzlewit' (1844) ch. 5 (Mark Tapley)

• I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Mind

  Charles Dickens (1868). “The Works of Charles Dickens ...”, p.435

• Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Father, Humorous

  Charles Dickens (2009). “The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous”, p.207, Cosimo, Inc.

• Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Air

  Charles Dickens (1868). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.69

• Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Christmas, Heart

  "A Christmas Carol". Book by Charles Dickens, 1843.

• "Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Gentleman

  Charles Dickens (1905). “The Pickwick Papers”, p.541

• Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Family, Words Of Wisdom

  David Copperfield ch. 28 (1850). The Oxford Dictionary of Proverbs cites Peter Atall, Hermit in America (1819): "Accidents will happen in the best regulated families." See Robert Burns 3; Disraeli 7; Modern Proverbs 102; Orwell 17; Plautus 3; Proverbs 2; Sayings 25

• Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Mean

  Charles Dickens (1870). “The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club”, p.31

• "Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Missing

  Charles Dickens, Hablot Knight Browne (1848). “Dombey and Son”, p.584

• It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Kings, Humorous

  Charles Dickens (1838). “The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club”, p.252

• ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Eye

  Charles Dickens (2015). “The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club, Volume 1 (of 2) (Illustrations)”, p.10, E. P. DUTTON & COMPANY

• He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Running, Humorous

  Charles Dickens, William Harrison Ainsworth, Albert Smith (1837). “Bentley's Miscellany”, p.54, Richard Bentley]

• "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Aunt

  Charles Dickens (1850). “Personal History, Adventures, Experience and Observations of David Copperfield the Younger”, p.155

• ... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Sleep

  Charles Dickens (1867). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.417

• Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Boys

  1836-7 Sam Weller's father. Pickwick Papers, ch.33.

• Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Girl, Sex

  1846-8 Dombey and Son, ch.1.

• It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Children, Humorous

  Charles Dickens (1867). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.65

• A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Taken

  CHARLES DICKENS (1871). “THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY "BOZ".”, p.218

• "The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

  Charles Dickens

  Funny, Humorous, Twins

  Charles Dickens (1867). “Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].”, p.156

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